The time is (FINALLY) almost here. Today we signed our adoption placement paperwork. The is the time between when the girls are "foster kids" and the adoption being final. The paperwork for their new legal names is being processed, and everything is falling into place.
We are almost a forever family.
We have one more social worker visit (the post adoptive placement visit) on Wednesday. Then we wait for our court date. We should finalize in the middle to end of September. I cannot believe it. I know at this point their "ours" but I can't wait until its official.
"If we only knew that the future holds, after a hurricaine comes a rainbow."
Sigh.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Zippity Doo Dah
We spent the last three days having the time of our lives.
This is the good stuff.
The girls met Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, many princesses, Briar Fox, and more that I'm forgetting. There is nothing (and I mean nothing) more heart warming then watching your kids experience Disneyland for the first time.
When we walked through the gates at 8am and the characters and staff were lining the sidewalks of Main Street USA there were tears in my eyes as I saw the wonder in the girls.
Everything was exciting, everything was fun, it was magical!
On our second day there we did the character breakfast, and it was worth every penny. Watching "A" giggle with her tongue hanging out of her mouth as Minnie talked with her was embarrassing, but funny. She didn't know what to do. The kid was so excited she couldn't contain herself.
Joy is what I hope to bring my kids. Lessons, integrity, honesty, love, yes....but joy, joy is the jelly in the doughnut of parenting!
Okay that was cheesy, but I've had a Disney week so I'm in a cheesy mood!
This is the good stuff.
The girls met Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, many princesses, Briar Fox, and more that I'm forgetting. There is nothing (and I mean nothing) more heart warming then watching your kids experience Disneyland for the first time.
When we walked through the gates at 8am and the characters and staff were lining the sidewalks of Main Street USA there were tears in my eyes as I saw the wonder in the girls.
Everything was exciting, everything was fun, it was magical!
On our second day there we did the character breakfast, and it was worth every penny. Watching "A" giggle with her tongue hanging out of her mouth as Minnie talked with her was embarrassing, but funny. She didn't know what to do. The kid was so excited she couldn't contain herself.
Joy is what I hope to bring my kids. Lessons, integrity, honesty, love, yes....but joy, joy is the jelly in the doughnut of parenting!
Okay that was cheesy, but I've had a Disney week so I'm in a cheesy mood!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Kidisms
Let me fill you in on some of the crazy things my kids say and do:
We were driving in the car after a morning of me going head to head with J, our three year old. She has a very sassy mouth, and I had enough that day. As the music played, the song "I'm sexy and I know it" came on. Instead of singing the lyrics correctly, my four year old, A started singing "she's sassy and she knows it da da da duh, da da da." Well said, little one.
I paint the girls nails once a week, usually on Saturday night. What a different Saturday night then I used to have, LOL. Now they're in to getting a nail tattoo on one nail. Last week, A chose to put a flower tattoo on her two middle fingers. I put them on. For the rest of the night she ran around the house double flipping me off showing off her tattoos. Oops.
I was making dinner the other night, and things got quiet in the dining area next to my kitchen. I saw that J was reaching for dads arnette sunglasses. I said to her, "you know you aren't supposed to touch daddys sunglasses." She responded, "how do you know I was touching them?" I told her the usual mom answer, "I have eyes in the back of my head." Without missing a beat, she got the last word by saying, "well that's not good."
Kids are so damn funny.
We were driving in the car after a morning of me going head to head with J, our three year old. She has a very sassy mouth, and I had enough that day. As the music played, the song "I'm sexy and I know it" came on. Instead of singing the lyrics correctly, my four year old, A started singing "she's sassy and she knows it da da da duh, da da da." Well said, little one.
I paint the girls nails once a week, usually on Saturday night. What a different Saturday night then I used to have, LOL. Now they're in to getting a nail tattoo on one nail. Last week, A chose to put a flower tattoo on her two middle fingers. I put them on. For the rest of the night she ran around the house double flipping me off showing off her tattoos. Oops.
I was making dinner the other night, and things got quiet in the dining area next to my kitchen. I saw that J was reaching for dads arnette sunglasses. I said to her, "you know you aren't supposed to touch daddys sunglasses." She responded, "how do you know I was touching them?" I told her the usual mom answer, "I have eyes in the back of my head." Without missing a beat, she got the last word by saying, "well that's not good."
Kids are so damn funny.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Reality
Yes, yes, I know I don't post often enough, I have probably lost most or all of my readers, but here I am, attempting to re-light my writing torch (thank you olympics for this sentence) and move forward with this blog.
There are a few things I'd like to say to catch everyone up with my life since its been awhile, I'll bullet point them for times sake.
I'm honestly shocked that having two kids hasn't overwhelmed me to the point that I don't want anymore. I definitely do. Because as challenging as some moments are, the good moments, the moments where my kids scream and jump up and down when I come in the house, when they want to sit right next to me, when they give kisses and say adorable loving things, those make everything else worth it.
I guess time will tell...
There are a few things I'd like to say to catch everyone up with my life since its been awhile, I'll bullet point them for times sake.
- Being a mom is effing tough. It requires a great deal of patience, repetition, love, strength and creativity.
- And an open mind, a very open mind and flexibility.
- I'm CERTAIN there is a reason why when babies are born all they do is eat, cry, sleep and poop. If they talked back, tested limits, and made messes, post partem depression would be post partem psychosis.
- I love my kids. I cry watching them sleep. I'm falling in love again, and this time it's with a three and four year old.
- Husbands DO NOT multi task. If you leave them home all day and their job is to be Mr. Mom, they will care for the kids. That's it. No dishes, dusting, cleaning, cooking, or watering. Period.
- We have our last social worker visit next week (praise God) and we sign adoption papers at the end of the month. We will finalize our adoption no later than mid-October.
- I still want to be pregnant.
I'm honestly shocked that having two kids hasn't overwhelmed me to the point that I don't want anymore. I definitely do. Because as challenging as some moments are, the good moments, the moments where my kids scream and jump up and down when I come in the house, when they want to sit right next to me, when they give kisses and say adorable loving things, those make everything else worth it.
I guess time will tell...
Monday, July 9, 2012
Already July
OK, apparently mom's of two preschoolers who work full-time only post once a month. Sorry! Thanks for checking in, even though I'm a slacker.
In six weeks we will sign our petition to adopt paperwork, and then within 45 more days, we should have a court date to finalize. Thank you God. I never realized how taxing all the post placement visits would be. I am sure I've written about it before, but to recap: our social worker from our adoption agency has to come to the house twice a month. In addition, the girls social worker comes once a month. Usually one visit they do together, so that means a visit by a social worker every two weeks. This wasn't as tough to manage when I was on my leave of absence from work, but now that I'm working again, it's much more difficult. Both social workers drive from over an hour away, so they like to come to the house at 11am, and I work 30 minutes from here. So, I either have to work late into the evening, or go in extremely early to get my job done and put in my eight hours. Not that I'm complaining, at least I have a job that allows me to do this most of the time.
The most difficult thing about the visits is the insecure feeling that you areparenting figuring out how to parent your children and then there are these people over you watching very closely. It's not that we're doing anything wrong intentionally, it's that we are (at the end of the day) new parents. We yell, we under react, we over react, we say the wrong thing. They should call it "practicing parenting" and to make it even more fun, what works for one doesn't usually work for the other. Dammit!
All in all, life is amazing. The girls are happy and thriving. I don't know whether to be happy or sad or both about the fact that they don't mention their life before here. I think at this age memory fades. Occasionally our four year-old will come out with something totally random. But, for the most part they don't bring up their "before us" life. Not that I don't want them to. I realize that adoption has both a happy and sad side. Just as my husband and I struggled before we met the girls, the girls struggled before they met us. Before our joy of becoming a family, there was profound sadness. One day, we will have to share with them their story, and I pray every day for the wisdom to know how to do that.
We've learned that 90% of what we said we'd never do or say to our kids (because our parents did it to us) we have done. Another Dammit! I was venting to a fellow mommy the other day, and she said to me, "no offense, but the people who think that way don't have kids and they just don't know." Such a true statement, though not one I ever realized til now.
I've gone from desperately wanting to live in the land of parenthood to occasionally wanting to take a dingy to a far away island. Let's be honest, as much as it is a blessing, parenting is dang hard. My kids are both testing limits daily, and they've got sassy mouths to boot!
I think the most amazing thing is that if you multiply the things we've taught the girls by 10, you'll get how many things they've taught us.
How crazy is that?
In six weeks we will sign our petition to adopt paperwork, and then within 45 more days, we should have a court date to finalize. Thank you God. I never realized how taxing all the post placement visits would be. I am sure I've written about it before, but to recap: our social worker from our adoption agency has to come to the house twice a month. In addition, the girls social worker comes once a month. Usually one visit they do together, so that means a visit by a social worker every two weeks. This wasn't as tough to manage when I was on my leave of absence from work, but now that I'm working again, it's much more difficult. Both social workers drive from over an hour away, so they like to come to the house at 11am, and I work 30 minutes from here. So, I either have to work late into the evening, or go in extremely early to get my job done and put in my eight hours. Not that I'm complaining, at least I have a job that allows me to do this most of the time.
The most difficult thing about the visits is the insecure feeling that you are
All in all, life is amazing. The girls are happy and thriving. I don't know whether to be happy or sad or both about the fact that they don't mention their life before here. I think at this age memory fades. Occasionally our four year-old will come out with something totally random. But, for the most part they don't bring up their "before us" life. Not that I don't want them to. I realize that adoption has both a happy and sad side. Just as my husband and I struggled before we met the girls, the girls struggled before they met us. Before our joy of becoming a family, there was profound sadness. One day, we will have to share with them their story, and I pray every day for the wisdom to know how to do that.
We've learned that 90% of what we said we'd never do or say to our kids (because our parents did it to us) we have done. Another Dammit! I was venting to a fellow mommy the other day, and she said to me, "no offense, but the people who think that way don't have kids and they just don't know." Such a true statement, though not one I ever realized til now.
I've gone from desperately wanting to live in the land of parenthood to occasionally wanting to take a dingy to a far away island. Let's be honest, as much as it is a blessing, parenting is dang hard. My kids are both testing limits daily, and they've got sassy mouths to boot!
I think the most amazing thing is that if you multiply the things we've taught the girls by 10, you'll get how many things they've taught us.
How crazy is that?
Saturday, June 9, 2012
There is always another side to the cardboard.
I have not always been a religious person. But since my sister died suddenly almost two years ago. I've developed a relationship with God. Days after she died, I was spiteful. I was angry. I even threw a bible across a room and screamed out my disbelief. I have questioned God, I have yelled at God, I have even actively spoken out against him. But today, I can tell you, He is there.
God walked with me through the darkest hours of my life. He stood by me when I slaughtered him with my words and choices. He has never given up on me.
When the girls came home they asked to go to church. This was something they did at their prior home every Sunday. And I started to think about how important it could be for them to have a relationship with God from the beginning. How would I have coped through those confusing high-school years, through fighting with my parents, through difficult decisions if I had known Him? In addition to these usual coming of age struggles, my children will eventually learn of, and struggle to come to peace with how they entered this world, and the events that happened in their early years. There is profound sadness with each adoption story. Adoption is something beautiful that comes out of (in some cases) something very sad. On the other side of the the love of adoption, there is a great loss, too.
When my girls learn their story, perhaps knowing God, and raising them with faith will help them raise up, and grieve the loss that they've endured. We've continued to go to church every Sunday. I can honestly say that now I look forward to it. It helps build me up for the week ahead. It gives me some words of wisdom. Plus, I get to sing loud which I love....ha!
Church is very emotional for me. I feel sad and guilty that I've treated God the way I have in the past. But I also still struggle with the idea that if I "let go and let God" take control, I'm saying that all the horrible things that have happened in my life are OK.
A couple of weeks ago a video was played that touched my heart. But the end of it I was sobbing so hard I had to leave the worship hall. I would like to share it with you now. Get some tissues, it will make you cry.
Before I end this post, I want you all to know, that I don't ever want to appear to "push" religion on anyone in my posts. I realize that this is my choice, and it doesn't have to be everyones.
Cardboard Testimonies
My cardboard would say, "I lost a baby, my sister, and my golden heart. I was selfish and hopeless"
The other side:
"God stood by me, and made me the mommy of two little angels by adoption."
God walked with me through the darkest hours of my life. He stood by me when I slaughtered him with my words and choices. He has never given up on me.
When the girls came home they asked to go to church. This was something they did at their prior home every Sunday. And I started to think about how important it could be for them to have a relationship with God from the beginning. How would I have coped through those confusing high-school years, through fighting with my parents, through difficult decisions if I had known Him? In addition to these usual coming of age struggles, my children will eventually learn of, and struggle to come to peace with how they entered this world, and the events that happened in their early years. There is profound sadness with each adoption story. Adoption is something beautiful that comes out of (in some cases) something very sad. On the other side of the the love of adoption, there is a great loss, too.
When my girls learn their story, perhaps knowing God, and raising them with faith will help them raise up, and grieve the loss that they've endured. We've continued to go to church every Sunday. I can honestly say that now I look forward to it. It helps build me up for the week ahead. It gives me some words of wisdom. Plus, I get to sing loud which I love....ha!
Church is very emotional for me. I feel sad and guilty that I've treated God the way I have in the past. But I also still struggle with the idea that if I "let go and let God" take control, I'm saying that all the horrible things that have happened in my life are OK.
A couple of weeks ago a video was played that touched my heart. But the end of it I was sobbing so hard I had to leave the worship hall. I would like to share it with you now. Get some tissues, it will make you cry.
Before I end this post, I want you all to know, that I don't ever want to appear to "push" religion on anyone in my posts. I realize that this is my choice, and it doesn't have to be everyones.
Cardboard Testimonies
My cardboard would say, "I lost a baby, my sister, and my golden heart. I was selfish and hopeless"
The other side:
"God stood by me, and made me the mommy of two little angels by adoption."
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Back from my LOA
Sorry! I know there have been no updates for almost three weeks. I had to go back to work and have quickly learned that kids + husband + house + full time job = exhaustion and super busy mommy.
The girls are doing well, they're definitely comfortable in our home, with our family, and are continuing to blossom into bright, sassy, limit testing, little ladies. I am honestly at a loss for words when trying to describe how our lives have changed to anyone.
In the words of Clark W. Griswold, "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn't be assuprised in shock as I am right now." It's true. Right now I'm at my kitchen table looking into my backyard and somehow there are two little girls running around in pink bikini's, there's a trampoline, sandbox, and play house. And let's not forget the pink cadillac escalade.
WHAT THE FRICK IS GOING ON?!
Oh that's right....we have two kids, they are preschoolers, and it happened so fast! I remember a time when I constantly whined at how long it was all taking. I was trying to embrace every girls night out, every Saturday morning I spent with my DVR, and every moment of my husband. For the most part I drank these moments up, and thank goodness, because so much of this is now just a memory.
The girls operate on an 80/20 agenda. 80 percent of the time they are amazing. I look at them and feel so much love, and hope for the future. I want to give them everything. The other 20 percent of the time, they are little heathens and I am pretty sure they were sent here to pinch my every nerve. I have yelled. I have said childish things back to them. I have grabbed them by their arms (ugh I HATED when my mom did that to me). I am a new mom. I am learning, my husband and I both are. I realize that the girls are also learning what it's like to be consistently disciplined and have set rules, and most of all, have a family, a mommy and daddy.
There are moments that I think I'm crazy for signing up for this. There are moments when I am pushed to the brink of my patience and I wonder how I'll make it another moment. But I always do. There are also moments where I think my heart is just simply going to burst because of all the love I have for my family. Moments when my heart breaks as I'm pulling out of the garage knowing that a whole day will go by before I get to snuggle them, or hear their laughs again.
I was talking to a friend recently and she was giving me a hard time about not keeping up on my blog. I told her that it is definitely a time constraint. But, it's also a tightrope of what to post. I will not lie and say this is a fairytale and every moment is bliss. It's not true and I'm not going to make other mommies feel like crap by my delusions. I also don't want to appear ungrateful. I begged for motherhood, and now that I'm here, I do feel guilty when I have a hard day and complain to my husband, or anyone.
The bottom line is, yes I am so grateful, and so in love. But motherhood is no joke. It's hard. I have NEVER been a patient person, but now, patience is my frenemy, and we're learning to work together.
The girls are doing well, they're definitely comfortable in our home, with our family, and are continuing to blossom into bright, sassy, limit testing, little ladies. I am honestly at a loss for words when trying to describe how our lives have changed to anyone.
In the words of Clark W. Griswold, "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn't be as
WHAT THE FRICK IS GOING ON?!
Oh that's right....we have two kids, they are preschoolers, and it happened so fast! I remember a time when I constantly whined at how long it was all taking. I was trying to embrace every girls night out, every Saturday morning I spent with my DVR, and every moment of my husband. For the most part I drank these moments up, and thank goodness, because so much of this is now just a memory.
The girls operate on an 80/20 agenda. 80 percent of the time they are amazing. I look at them and feel so much love, and hope for the future. I want to give them everything. The other 20 percent of the time, they are little heathens and I am pretty sure they were sent here to pinch my every nerve. I have yelled. I have said childish things back to them. I have grabbed them by their arms (ugh I HATED when my mom did that to me). I am a new mom. I am learning, my husband and I both are. I realize that the girls are also learning what it's like to be consistently disciplined and have set rules, and most of all, have a family, a mommy and daddy.
There are moments that I think I'm crazy for signing up for this. There are moments when I am pushed to the brink of my patience and I wonder how I'll make it another moment. But I always do. There are also moments where I think my heart is just simply going to burst because of all the love I have for my family. Moments when my heart breaks as I'm pulling out of the garage knowing that a whole day will go by before I get to snuggle them, or hear their laughs again.
I was talking to a friend recently and she was giving me a hard time about not keeping up on my blog. I told her that it is definitely a time constraint. But, it's also a tightrope of what to post. I will not lie and say this is a fairytale and every moment is bliss. It's not true and I'm not going to make other mommies feel like crap by my delusions. I also don't want to appear ungrateful. I begged for motherhood, and now that I'm here, I do feel guilty when I have a hard day and complain to my husband, or anyone.
The bottom line is, yes I am so grateful, and so in love. But motherhood is no joke. It's hard. I have NEVER been a patient person, but now, patience is my frenemy, and we're learning to work together.
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