Monday, July 9, 2012

Already July

OK, apparently mom's of two preschoolers who work full-time only post once a month. Sorry! Thanks for checking in, even though I'm a slacker.

In six weeks we will sign our petition to adopt paperwork, and then within 45 more days, we should have a court date to finalize. Thank you God. I never realized how taxing all the post placement visits would be. I am sure I've written about it before, but to recap: our social worker from our adoption agency has to come to the house twice a month. In addition, the girls social worker comes once a month. Usually one visit they do together, so that means a visit by a social worker every two weeks. This wasn't as tough to manage when I was on my leave of absence from work, but now that I'm working again, it's much more difficult. Both social workers drive from over an hour away, so they like to come to the house at 11am, and I work 30 minutes from here. So, I either have to work late into the evening, or go in extremely early to get my job done and put in my eight hours. Not that I'm complaining, at least I have a job that allows me to do this most of the time.

The most difficult thing about the visits is the insecure feeling that you are parenting figuring out how to parent your children and then there are these people over you watching very closely. It's not that we're doing anything wrong intentionally, it's that we are (at the end of the day) new parents. We yell, we under react, we over react, we say the wrong thing. They should call it "practicing parenting" and to make it even more fun, what works for one doesn't usually work for the other. Dammit!

All in all, life is amazing. The girls are happy and thriving. I don't know whether to be happy or sad or both about the fact that they don't mention their life before here. I think at this age memory fades. Occasionally our four year-old will come out with something totally random. But, for the most part they don't bring up their "before us" life. Not that I don't want them to. I realize that adoption has both a happy and sad side. Just as my husband and I struggled before we met the girls, the girls struggled before they met us. Before our joy of becoming a family, there was profound sadness. One day, we will have to share with them their story, and I pray every day for the wisdom to know how to do that.

We've learned that 90% of what we said we'd never do or say to our kids (because our parents did it to us) we have done. Another Dammit! I was venting to a fellow mommy the other day, and she said to me, "no offense, but the people who think that way don't have kids and they just don't know." Such a true statement, though not one I ever realized til now.

I've gone from desperately wanting to live in the land of parenthood to occasionally wanting to take a dingy to a far away island. Let's be honest, as much as it is a blessing, parenting is dang hard. My kids are both testing limits daily, and they've got sassy mouths to boot!

I  think the most amazing thing is that if you multiply the things we've taught the girls by 10, you'll get how many things they've taught us.

How crazy is that?

1 comment:

  1. :) parenting is hard! just gotta keep on truckin'