Shit just got real, pregnancy edition

(this is a sweet potato, not some hairy piece of nastiness)

When your husband looks at you undressing to get into the shower one night he is looking both terrified and amazed. He blurts out "babe you are getting f***ing huuuuge."

Shit just got real.

When you go to buy ANOTHER bra because your chesticles are growing at an unnatural pace and you find yourself SQUEEZING into an E cup in the dressing room, and then buy it because anything involving boobs and the letter "F" is too much to bear.

Shit just got real.

When you're walking through the mall after a 30 min drive to said mall desperate to pee and the bathroom is at least 400 yards away so you are waddling toward it while trying to keep your legs together so you don't pee everywhere, and then you have a bladder spasm and lean sideways trying to hold it in....

Shit just got real.

When you fart at the dinner table and it's not quiet and you don't care because holding it in would mean terrible pain.....

Shit just got real.

When your husband (yea he is batting a hundred) puts on a shirt that you likely took too long to fold up and comments on the wrinkles in a sarcastic way and you tell him with a straight face to shove it up his ass, and then burst into tears.

Shit just got real.

But best of all, when you are lying in bed and cannot fall asleep because you can finally feel your little girl moving around inside of you and you wouldn't miss this for anything (even sleep).

Shit. Just. Got. Real.
And it's amazing.

Week 17... and we have a...

A Girl! We had an elective ultrasound yesterday because my mom was in town, the girls were allowed to come, and most of all, because I am damn impatient and I wanted to know! Ha. It was an amazing experience. We got some great pictures of her in 2D and 4D. The 4D's were a little creepy because little miss doesn't have any fat yet, it's still really early, but over all she really did look quite feminine and cute. She had a little attitude, putting her hand in front of her face, and shying away when the ultrasound tech tapped my belly to make her move. Already she is a stubborn one! Like mother like daughter.

In other news the scale is now in the 140 range. That's 15 pounds up. It's really all belly at this point. The rest of me still looks, well, like me, but I do have quite an impressive baby bump for a 17 week first timer. I'm good with it though. I'd rather look pregnant than oddly fat. I am trying to eat well, because I eat often. Lately fruits and cereal are favorites. I'm trying to limit my fro-yo consumption to once or twice a week. I am also walking 30 minutes 3-4 times a week. I'm doing the best I can.

I am really tired a lot though. I almost feel like my midday nap does more harm than damage, I just cannot come out of it. So, I've taken to putting my feet up in the afternoon and watching an hour of TV or reading a book while the kids rest.

The biggest thing this week: I'm quite certain I am feeling her move. It's like little pops and flutters that I only ever notice if I'm laying down. When I'm resting, I try to really focus on her. I talk to her, I rub my belly, I pray for her health. Seeing my little girl yesterday was one of the most amazing experiences I've had. She is such a miracle, and I am so in love with her it makes me emotional. Having her inside me makes my love for all my girls grow. They are all mine. I don't see how anyone could think that they would love one more than the other. I feel like my heart grew to include my new little bundle. Honestly, I'm so full of love and gratitude that tears fall from my eyes when I think about the topic. I have daughters. Daughter who will grow up and be good women because of me. It's so much responsibility, but moreover, it's such a privilege.

I realize the precious course that life truly is because I have lost. Monday will mark three years since I lost my 18 year old sister in a car accident. Accident. Accident. Accident. I repeat that to myself because it reminds me that it was nothing more than that: an accident. I think of her all the time (of course) but since I've become a mother the devastation I have for my own mother has increased exponentially. As mothers, we are given our children and we do everything in our power to love and protect them. My mother was no different. And she lost her baby girl. Because I lived through this, I realize how careful we must be with our lives. Our children are gifts and we never know how long they are meant to be in our lives. This week I will remember to let the small stuff go.

And I will lay still every day so I can feel those tiny little kicks. You are a miracle my little one. Thank you for coming in to my life. And to my big girls. God gave me you. He picked you for me and me for you. There isn't any more special way to be "born" into a family then that.

4 months! (16 weeks)

I am going to say it again. I really think an orange is bigger than and avocado. My husband agrees with me. But, here we are.

My 16 week appointment went well. We were just supposed to be there for a quick check and then sent on our way, since the big "anatomy scan" is done at 20 weeks. At that time, you get an in depth ultrasound of the baby and this is usually when the doctor will tell you whether you're team pink or blue. BUT, I hormonally begged my doctor to try and see what I called "the money shot" so he agreed. We got in there, started looking around and the baby was sitting Indian style in my uterus. (I think the PC term is now "criss cross applesauce). So, it's feet were covering the clear shot of its junk. That is so my kid. Make it more difficult for mommy to plan and buy things! We did get about a 4 second shot and didn't see anything between the legs, so baby looks like a girl, but we really cannot be sure. But, baby had grown so much since our last peek at 12 weeks it was amazing. Baby had visible, ribs, spinal cord, and baby was sucking their thumb. My doctor asked if I'd felt the baby move yet, I haven't (I don't think) but he said anytime. I so look forward to that.

This will not shock you....I am not waiting til the 20 week anatomy scan to find out the sex. My mom is coming into town this next week and my husband and I are taking her, and the girls with us up to an elective ultrasound place to find out next Thursday. I am so excited. I think this will be a lot of fun, and am excited to get to include the girls in finding out. They take their time pointing out parts and give you a 3D DVD and some pictures, plus there is a nice big screen to watch it on. It'll be fun. Our oldest "A" may be in for a shock because she now only refers to the baby as her brother. I kinda think she's wrong.

I am not doing a gender reveal party or anything, in my opinion it all seems like too much. I mean there's the baby shower, the birth where everyone comes to visit, sometimes a maternity photo shoot by a professional photographer near the end and now people have added a gender reveal party and pregnancy announcement professional photo shoots. It's just too much! Who honestly has the time between throwing up, eating a shit load of food, trying to poop, chasing kids around, working, feeding dogs, and going pee every five minutes? Really it's a lot to get done.

In other news I did something really stupid a little over a year ago and now it's biting me the arse big time. So, the girls came home, and we cramped into my Jetta for a few months, and by summer it got old. So, I went out in search of a new car. I bought the VW SUV that I fell in love with despite my dear husband saying "we're having more kids, I just know we are, get a van." In my defense, I didn't want an effing van. I wanted a soccer mom mobile. So I bought the Tiguan which is like a Ford Escape, or Honda CRV. It's more roomy, but when we rented a van for a road trip I knew I'd messed up. The van was so convenient and everything fit in there, on and on. Well now here I am....I am either going to have to cram a newborn car seat between the girls two booster seats in the back of my Tiguan, or I am going to take a big upside down on the Tiguan and buy a van.....that is, if the car dealer people will do that for me. I've poked around and it seems they will, but it's going to cost me. Dammit. One of the few times my husband was just outright, right.

I have been doing my research and the two best vans in my opinion are the Toyota Sienna and the Honda Oddysey. I think we'll wait til after the new year to make a purchase, but of course today I found one that I really like and its a good deal. I am going to try and hold back but you never know with me....I'm impulsive like that. LOL...I wish I could blame it on the hormones.