Sunday, November 25, 2012


I have heard it said over and over again since I was a little girl, "thanksgiving is a time to give thanks." For the first time in a long time, I gave thanks from the bottom of my heart. I am so blessed, and I am aware, humbled, and grateful.

What I am thankful for:

My kids: #1. I am so thankful for our daughters. They are so special, and they have the most beautiful hearts.
My health (and my family's health): Health is some thing we take for granted. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. I am thankful that overall I take care of my body, I eat well, exercise (as much as I can), I don't smoke, I wear sunscreen....on and on and on.
My job: I love being a nurse. The job has turned me into an insightful, empathetic person. I cannot wait to get back to patient care in the next couple weeks.
My family: we have our moments, but overall, I love my family.
My friends: I have the best friends ever. They have dried my tears, and taken my words with a grain of salt when I was at my worst, they praise me for my accomplishments, and they laugh with me when I'm at my best. I hope I am as good to my friends as they are for me.
My marriage: My husband is my best friend. We have so much fun together, yet, he is my lover. Even after all these years.
My home: its quaint, but it's all we need. It's cozy, and relaxing.

We are warm, we are fed, we have clothes on our backs and extra money to go out to dinner.

Thankful doesn't even feel like an adequate word for the fullness and warmth that fills my heart. I pray, and give thanks to God every morning before my feet hit the floor, and every night before I go to bed.

I cannot wait for Christmas. We already have our tree up, and watching their faces as they looked over our collection of Christmas decorations was amazing. They have no idea what they're in for this Christmas.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Another Trip to the ER

My older daughter has been on a roll lately.

A couple weeks ago my husband and I went out for our first date night in months. It was our first since we've had the girls. We left them with a responsible teenage babysitter. She only had to entertain them for two hours before bedtime. During that time they played lots of games and according to her were very good. So, we got home, and "A" (our older daughter) was still awake in her bed. I was thinking that she must of really missed us so she stayed up to say goodnight. Not the case.

I went into the bathroom to wash my face, and as I was washing, those little Hi-Ho Cherry-O game pieces started floating up the drain. By the time I'd rinsed, I'd collect 10 of them. Yep. My kid put those down the sink for who knows what reason. To be a menace, honestly. Our older daughter will try anything to see if she can get away with it. She has painted our kitchen with honey, sprayed orange juice on the ceiling, the list goes on.

Anyway, she and my husband took the sink apart and we made her stick her hand in the gooey drain and get the 15 lodged pieces out. Case closed. Mommy and daddy mad!
So yesterday started as any ordinary day. On Friday's I go to work early, and leave by about 1pm. This is my one afternoon a week where I go home and have the afternoon to myself, in an empty quiet house. Yesterday turned out quite differently....

I was packing up my stuff to leave work when preschool called. "A" was laying down on her cot, and she stuck a bean in her ear. Yes, a bean. Non-cooked pinto to be specific. So, my blissful Friday afternoon quickly ended. I had to drive 25 miles from work to daycare to pick her up, and then 25 miles back up to the emergency room, because of course it was Friday afternoon and our pediatricians office was closed.

When I got to daycare I was so mad at her I was shaking. I could see the bean, so I actually tried turning her head to one side to shake it out in the parking lot. It didn't work. Dammit. So off to the ER we went. They got it out no problem. We got back to daycare at about 3:30pm and I wanted to leave her there and have an hour to myself, but I felt guilty so we collected her sister and went home.
Is she traumatized? No. I wish she was so she wouldn't do it again.

I just don't know what's next with this girl.

She better not turn into one of those weirdo adults that heads to the ER because she "fell" on a gerbil.


Sunday, November 4, 2012

When your #1 job is mommy

I work 5 days a week. I don't clock in and out, and I don't accrue overtime. With that being said, I have tried since having the girls to go in at 6:00 in the morning to be off by 2:30 (8hr day) which is my requirement, 5 eight hour days. But, lets face it, it never happens that way. My days are constantly longer, and I am the sole person who does my job, so at the end of the day, the work and needs are left for me to finish tomorrow. I sometimes get calls in the evening, on the weekends, and emails all the time. Maybe if I were less of a controlling perfectionist, I could manage all this without feeling guilty at work because all I want is to go home to my kids, and worse, feeling guilty at home after work because I just want to put kids to bed and relax. That coupled with the fact that I am a nurse, but my current position is more staff focused than patient focused has lead me to the following decision: I am going back to "the floor." Meaning I am going back to patient care.

I haven't made this decision lightly, I've been mulling over it for months. But, in my heart I know it's what's right, and what's best for me and my new little family. I will work longer days, but less days (3- 12 hour shifts a week).

This past week I landed the job that I wanted. I was very fortunate to be selected for the position which I applied. I am humbled at the opportunity. It is bittersweet, as I am leaving a job that I do like a lot. If the timing were different, I would stay. The team I work with is amazing, many of them have become friends. I hope to maintain those friendships.

But, it's time to move on. I am going to learn a lot on this new journey. I am going to be home more. And, when I leave work at night, someone else takes over for me. I will have four days off a week (YAY) where I can be with the girls, help in A's classroom next year when she goes to kindergarten, and get more done around the house.

Yes, this is the best decision. I hope everyone can understand.

I love my life, by the way, love it.