Tuesday, March 27, 2012


Every night at dinner before we eat, the girls say their prayer. They always say the same thing, and they learned it somewhere else, because they've done it since their first night here. Their prayer goes: "Thank you God for giving us food, Amen." We've tried to ask them what else they can thank God for, but they don't really understand. We get answers like, "my scooter" or some other random toy.

Last night was different. I sat down with the girls for dinner (my husband wasn't home). I asked them to say their prayer before they ate, and my four year-old said: "Thank you God for giving us food, and for giving us mommy, Amen." My eyes welled up with tears, and I thought my heart was going to burst with the love I felt for these kids in this moment. I got up, picked her up in my arms in a big hug, and said, "you just tickled mommy's heart, I love you so much." Of course then the 3 year-old said the same prayer, and she got hugs and love too.

It's amazing how difficult motherhood truly is. I never realized how tough it can be. But, it's these moments that make us all thankful for having kids. What a wonder they are.

(some one elses angel, not mine)

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


Today I ventured out with the girls to the library. I read in our local paper that the library does a storytime group every Wednesday for kids aged 2-5. I have been looking into little activities and things that we can do so this was a great first step. The story hour was great. There was singing, a story, number practice, and craft time.

There were about 6 preschoolers there, plus moms, and a few younger brothers and sisters who came along. I felt like I was a member in the special "mommy club." We all sat behind our kids and watched as they followed directions, sang, and listened. It was great! Most of the moms knew each other, some were even planning a play date. No one really said anything to me, they smiled though, which was nice. It's almost like the first day of school, and having to meet new people for the kids, and for me!

In the middle of the number song, my 4 year-old started sitting on her hand. I thought "uh-oh she has to go potty." Potty and my four year-old aren't good friends yet. She likes to hold her pee til it's too late and then go on my bathroom floor. So, I looked at her and began to panick...my brain was racing: should I interrupt her number song....what if she pees on the floor....I didn't bring the diaper bag cause we were only going to be gone an hour...if she has an accident we'll have to leave....the other moms will judge me 'how dare you don't bring your diaper bag incase of an accident" ....shiiiiiiit. So. I got up, whispered in her ear..."do you need to go potty?" Of course she nodded "yes" and so I took her hand, and away we went. I was fine with leaving little sister there for a minute, but she of course followed us. Accident averted! Note to self...maybe keep change of clothes in trunk for situations like these.

After story hour, I took the girls into the main library to show them around. It's important to me that the girls understand about borrowing books, taking care of them and returning them. I loved the library growing up, and I want my kids to do the same. So we went into the library childrens section, and looked around. As we were standing in line to check out our books some crazy lady...seriously she smelled and her clothes didn't match...came up and TOUCHED me on the shoulder, she said the most offensive thing to me: "I love God and I know that he believes that our children should look like us." I was so shocked, and had a kid holding each of my hands, so lucky for that lady, she didn't get punched in the face. I may not have mentioned this yet, but I am blonde and fair skinned. My daughters are 1/2 african america, 1/4 caucasion, and 1/4 native american. So, they are darker than me. NEVER has this come up before, besides once with my husbands 84 year-old grandma and it wasn't in an offensive way at all. EFF you lady. About 10 minutes later I realized I should have replied, "then you must not of heard of adoption." What an offensive end to a great morning at the library!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

How's it going?

This is the most asked question in my life these days. And, I'm thankful people are still asking. So I will answer here while the girls are napping. I am hoping for an extended nap today, got the girls down an hour late because my husband and I took them bowling and then to McDonalds for lunch. I really dislike McDonalds, but on a rainy day, it's a small price to pay for happy kids who are stuck in a booth nibbling on burgers and fries quietly.

We are doing good. The girls sleep 8pm-6:30am so I cannot complain. I'm still not sleeping horribly well. I sit awake, worrying, like any mother does, recapping the day with excitement, and so much love that I could burst. Some nights I go into their room and watch them sleep, I pray over them, I have never been so in love.

Behaviorally they are great kids. Of course they have sibling rivalry...shocker, all kids do. They definitely test their limits, and get time-outs some times, but not frequently. Meal times can be challenging because getting them to sit at a table for 15 minutes is torture in their eyes. But, I can honestly say that if I gave birth to these kids and raised them from day one, they wouldn't act any different. They are good natured, healthy, vibrant, happy kids. I couldn't ask for anything more.

I've enjoyed watching disney movies again, playing with play-dough, coloring, and reading stories. It's a lot of fun to have kids at this age. I can take them places, they are potty trained (save an accident here and there), and they can tell me what they want and need.

I have tried to talk to them about adoption a time or two, but they're not quite ready for that yet. The older one (4 years old) changes the subject and the 3 year old doesn't get it. I bought them two story books about adoption. I read the shorter one to them last night. It's called "God Gave Us You." It's a great book about a fox that was adopted, and how his mommy waited and waited for him. In the middle of the story, my 3 year old grabbed and held my hand. I kind of think she was doing it to prevent me from turning pages, cause she likes to do everything herself, but in stead I'm going to believe it was a message saying, "yes mommy, I'm here, God found us and brought us to you."
Here's the book:

The other one I bought is a bit longer, they don't have the attention span for it yet, but it's also really cute:

Also this past weekend my friends threw me a "Shower for Sisters." The girls came, and everyone was very generous! We got a lot of great gifts, and my friends and some family got to meet the girls. They did really well considering they've been home less than a month and there were about 30 women oogling over them. They're naturals and getting attention. Now everyday they ask if we can go to the party....LOL. Love them.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Ch Ch Ch Changes

So many things are happening, my life has changed so much. And now the bulk of my time is spent caring for these two little girls, my daughters...sigh....so I need this writing outlet to share my joys, my frustrations, and my moments of confusion.

Things I never do anymore:
  • Go to the bathroom without interruption. I do lock the bathroom door for #2, but I always pee in company now.
  • Take long showers. I keep them short, and the door is always cracked so I can hear the girls.
  • Go out to lunch.
  • Stay up late and sleep in. I'm so tired once I get them down I don't stay up much longer. I usually get up early, as it's my only time to write, read, and sip my coffee in peace.
  • Watch the TV shows I love. Thank God for DVR.
  • Eat or drink anything I want. I usually always have to share, or explain what I'm eating/drinking and why they cannot have some.
  • Have sex. Who has the time or energy? My poor husband. After years of having it all the time trying to have a kid, now it's time to lay off the lay.
My kid's are precious. They say and do things that make my heart flutter. I was tucking in our 3 year old the other night, and she said, "mommy, I want to kiss you" so she did and then she said, "I love you." She is so cute. My older one has more of a hard shell. She is loving, and also calls me mommy, but I see her catching herself sometimes. Like she's not quite sure, and sometimes she'll even say, "oh wait, you are not my mommy." We haven't spoken about it too much, but I can see their wheels are turning. It's sad that they don't understand that they're not going back to the home they had before ours. Eventhough we're elated that we're finally parents, we realize that they are grieving a major loss. All we can do is be there for them, and we often say at dinner or bedtime, "do you have any questions you'd like to ask?" They haven't yet, but we hope they know they can.

I'm also looking for some adoption books and movies that are age appropriate, as I want to incorporate the term adoption into their vocabulary now. More on that when I find it.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

We've been matched

Sorry for not updating sooner. Let me recap you on the events that led my husband and I to our two little girls. Yes, I said, TWO.
On Wednesday, 2/22/12, at 12:30 pm I got an email saying that our homestudy was now live on the database state wide so that all social workers in the state could see it. We were officially in child search. At 1:30pm I got a call from our social worker. She had a placement that she wanted to present to us. Wow. Talk about fast. Anyway, remember that I cannot give out too much information, as the internet is a public place and I don't want to get my self into trouble.
All I am going to say is that on Friday morning, a mere 46 hours later, we brought two pre-school age girls home. They are sisters, and only a year apart.
They are healthy, vibrant, good natured kids. They are exactly what we prayed for.

The girls have been home for a week now. They have settled in well. They are eating well, sleeping well, and arguing with eachother. Apparently sibling rivalry is big at this age. Jeez. Really, I think it's payback because my sister and I fought all the time. My mom is coming to visit and she is going to just giggle at my frustration with their arguing.

I cannot tell you at what moment I knew they were meant to be ours. I don't really remember getting this feeling of "those are my daughters" when I met them. But, I do know that I couldn't imagine being a mommy to anyone else. The other day we were driving in the car and one of them said, "mommy, can you put lady gaga on?" That was pretty clear for me. I am a lady gaga fan, so I thought, honey, you are my child. I think the main thing is that it brings me to tears when they call me mommy. When they climb up on my lap and hug me. When I tell them I love them and they kiss my cheek. These are my da. I want them to have the best mommy and daddy iughters.

There is a peace that comes with it. I am no longer desperate to become a mommy. I have two daughters.

So I guess this blog is now going to be about parenting. It went from infertility and conception, to adoption, to mommyhood. And I couldn't be happier about it!

I would also like to extend a big THANK YOU to all the people who helped me get the necessities together in the short two day prep time I had. Everyone came through and gave me what I needed. Carseats, books, toys, clothes, toddler bed, mattress, and one late night trip to target for a few more items. You all pulled together and I'm so grateful.