Week 17... and we have a...

A Girl! We had an elective ultrasound yesterday because my mom was in town, the girls were allowed to come, and most of all, because I am damn impatient and I wanted to know! Ha. It was an amazing experience. We got some great pictures of her in 2D and 4D. The 4D's were a little creepy because little miss doesn't have any fat yet, it's still really early, but over all she really did look quite feminine and cute. She had a little attitude, putting her hand in front of her face, and shying away when the ultrasound tech tapped my belly to make her move. Already she is a stubborn one! Like mother like daughter.

In other news the scale is now in the 140 range. That's 15 pounds up. It's really all belly at this point. The rest of me still looks, well, like me, but I do have quite an impressive baby bump for a 17 week first timer. I'm good with it though. I'd rather look pregnant than oddly fat. I am trying to eat well, because I eat often. Lately fruits and cereal are favorites. I'm trying to limit my fro-yo consumption to once or twice a week. I am also walking 30 minutes 3-4 times a week. I'm doing the best I can.

I am really tired a lot though. I almost feel like my midday nap does more harm than damage, I just cannot come out of it. So, I've taken to putting my feet up in the afternoon and watching an hour of TV or reading a book while the kids rest.

The biggest thing this week: I'm quite certain I am feeling her move. It's like little pops and flutters that I only ever notice if I'm laying down. When I'm resting, I try to really focus on her. I talk to her, I rub my belly, I pray for her health. Seeing my little girl yesterday was one of the most amazing experiences I've had. She is such a miracle, and I am so in love with her it makes me emotional. Having her inside me makes my love for all my girls grow. They are all mine. I don't see how anyone could think that they would love one more than the other. I feel like my heart grew to include my new little bundle. Honestly, I'm so full of love and gratitude that tears fall from my eyes when I think about the topic. I have daughters. Daughter who will grow up and be good women because of me. It's so much responsibility, but moreover, it's such a privilege.

I realize the precious course that life truly is because I have lost. Monday will mark three years since I lost my 18 year old sister in a car accident. Accident. Accident. Accident. I repeat that to myself because it reminds me that it was nothing more than that: an accident. I think of her all the time (of course) but since I've become a mother the devastation I have for my own mother has increased exponentially. As mothers, we are given our children and we do everything in our power to love and protect them. My mother was no different. And she lost her baby girl. Because I lived through this, I realize how careful we must be with our lives. Our children are gifts and we never know how long they are meant to be in our lives. This week I will remember to let the small stuff go.

And I will lay still every day so I can feel those tiny little kicks. You are a miracle my little one. Thank you for coming in to my life. And to my big girls. God gave me you. He picked you for me and me for you. There isn't any more special way to be "born" into a family then that.