Sunday, June 3, 2012

Back from my LOA

Sorry! I know there have been no updates for almost three weeks. I had to go back to work and have quickly learned that kids + husband + house + full time job = exhaustion and super busy mommy.

The girls are doing well, they're definitely comfortable in our home, with our family, and are continuing to blossom into bright, sassy, limit testing, little ladies. I am honestly at a loss for words when trying to describe how our lives have changed to anyone.

In the words of Clark W. Griswold, "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn't be as suprised in shock as I am right now." It's true. Right now I'm at my kitchen table looking into my backyard and somehow there are two little girls running around in pink bikini's, there's a trampoline, sandbox, and play house. And let's not forget the pink cadillac escalade.


Oh that's right....we have two kids, they are preschoolers, and it happened so fast! I remember a time when I constantly whined at how long it was all taking. I was trying to embrace every girls night out, every Saturday morning I spent with my DVR, and every moment of my husband. For the most part I drank these moments up, and thank goodness, because so much of this is now just a memory.

The girls operate on an 80/20 agenda. 80 percent of the time they are amazing. I look at them and feel so much love, and hope for the future. I want to give them everything. The other 20 percent of the time, they are little heathens and I am pretty sure they were sent here to pinch my every nerve. I have yelled. I have said childish things back to them. I have grabbed them by their arms (ugh I HATED when my mom did that to me). I am a new mom. I am learning, my husband and I both are. I realize that the girls are also learning what it's like to be consistently disciplined and have set rules, and most of all, have a family, a mommy and daddy.

There are moments that I think I'm crazy for signing up for this. There are moments when I am pushed to the brink of my patience and I wonder how I'll make it another moment. But I always do. There are also moments where I think my heart is just simply going to burst because of all the love I have for my family. Moments when my heart breaks as I'm pulling out of the garage knowing that a whole day will go by before I get to snuggle them, or hear their laughs again.

I was talking to a friend recently and she was giving me a hard time about not keeping up on my blog. I told her that it is definitely a time constraint. But, it's also a tightrope of what to post. I will not lie and say this is a fairytale and every moment is bliss. It's not true and I'm not going to make other mommies feel like crap by my delusions. I also don't want to appear ungrateful. I begged for motherhood, and now that I'm here, I do feel guilty when I have a hard day and complain to my husband, or anyone.

The bottom line is, yes I am so grateful, and so in love. But motherhood is no joke. It's hard. I have NEVER been a patient person, but now, patience is my frenemy, and we're learning to work together.

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