I've been meeting a lot of new people lately, and have been talking about my girls a lot. There are two things that always lead me to share that they joined our family by adoption, the first is that I wear a necklace every day that says "Grew in my heart" and has the girls names on it. The second, is when I tell people their ages. The conversation almost always goes like this:
Them: How old are your kids?
Me: 4 and 5
Them: Wow, they're really close in age, it's like having twins.
Me: Yes, they're a year and a week apart.
Them: Wow, you're brave.
Me: Well, I didn't have them as babies, they came home at ages 3 and 4 so I got lucky.
Them: Confused look
Me: My husband and I brought them into our family by adoption.
And then the questions start.....
I'm open about the fact that my children were adopted, I don't see it as "private" or something we don't talk about. Adoption is an amazing thing, I wouldn't be a mom today if it weren't for adoption. I don't share the girls past, just our journey to becoming a family. And, some of the questions I get asked, are asked over and over again. Here they are.
1. Aren't you afraid their real parents will take them back? Or, Can their real parents come back and take them? The "real parent" statement used to really bother me, but it doesn't anymore. I know what people mean. They mean to say "biological" they just say "real" instead. But seriously, I'm these girls "real" mom. My blood doesn't run through them but they have my spirit. And no, they cannot go back to their egg and sperm donor because our adoption is final. My husband and I are on their birth certificate.
2. Do they ask for their birth family/real parents? No, they don't. They no longer (for the past 6 months or so) ask for anyone who was in their life before us. And it makes me both happy and sad at the same time. (I will have to approach this in another post).
3. & 4. What's the adoption process like? How much does it cost? I always answer these questions honestly. It's a long process, and it's invasive, but for good cause of keeping kids safe. Fos-adopt doesn't cost much, domestic newborn adoption (private adoption) does.
5. Are they adjusting well? Are they healthy? This is always a fun one because I get to say "yes." But, it's sad to me that the stigma is that these kids aren't healthy or able to adjust. In some cases it is tough. And, let me tell you, they scare the crap out of you in the pre-adoption classes. I heard scary stories, but honestly, even though I know my home wouldn't be the best for a troubled child it's not their fault. The adults that kids love and trust hurt them in one way or anther in these situations, and it breaks their heart. Kids don't know how to handle a broken heart, so many adoptive parents have to work heart to mend a childs broken heart, broken spirit, and lack of trust. God bless these people.
We were presented with information on a 1 year-old but she had a lot of medical problems, and so much of them were unknown for the future. We declined because we didn't feel we could be the best parents for her. It was sad, but we were scared. That little girl deserved a family who could embrace her challenges and work hard to help her. If I were a stay-at-home mom I would have considered it, but she was just too delicate for daycare, which I knew was in my kids future.
6. Are you going to have "your own" children? First off, my girls are MINE. But again, I know people mean "biological" children. The real answer is, I don't know. I hope so. So I usually say with a smile, "I hope so!" But, time will tell. And, that is the truth. But, I can say for sure, I will have another child, one way or another, our family is not complete yet!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
The Dance
Before kids, my morning would start out slowly, alarm would go off, and I (being the planner I am) would take my time doing hair, make up, making my lunch, and heading off for my day.
My husband generally slept in, because his schedule allowed him to begin his day around 9am, which worked great because he is in no way, shape, or form a morning person.
So, why do you care about this? Why am I mentioning it?
Well, because my mornings these days are quite a bit different. This morning was a perfect example. I am currently taking a critical care class two days a week and then working my 12 hour shifts two days a week. My husband is student teaching five days a week. He also tries to work a couple days a week for a few hours. The girls have daycare three days a week, and go to gramma's on a fourth day if we need it.
Got all that?
No? Don't worry, me either. In the morning, my house is batshit crazy. To top off all of us getting ready at the same time most mornings, we also only have one bathroom. Yep. I'm not complaining, I mean, we're lucky to have a warm house to wake up in everyday, but one bathroom for four people is a bit like trying to nail jell-o to a tree = difficult and sometimes impossible. Luckily, I'm the only girl in the house straightening her hair and wearing make up. Note to self, we will need another bathroom before the girls hit puberty.
Last but not least, remember how I told you that my husband is not a morning person? I would like to mention that again. This is how my morning went today:
Up at 5:40 to get myself ready for an early morning meeting and class starting at 7:30, which means I have to leave my house by about 6:50 to get there on time without having road rage.
Husband gets up at same time, sits on couch, drinks protein shake and coffee.
6:10 I'm almost ready, husband goes out to garage to work out.
6:30 husband comes in and grumbles to me "If I'm taking them to grammas can you at least get them ready." I smile and say "yes" while visualizing punching him in the face.
6:35 girls get up, go to bathroom
6:40 girls found laying on couch, lay out kid clothes, put toothpaste on toothbrushes, tell them to get dressed and brush teeth. Make my breakfast and snack to-go.
6:45 dinner into crock pot, coffee brewing, husband comes in, barks at kids to get ready (and they pretty much already are)
6:50 put kids hair up in ponytails, get reprimanded by 3 year-old because "it's bumpy." Remind her grandma can fix it, coax them to put shoes and coats on, put on my coat, pour to-go coffees for hubby and me
6:55 girls leave house with dad, as they're walking out, I realize I didn't give the dog her insulin (yes our damn dog is diabetic), and our little dog her antibiotics (absessed tooth)
7:00 ten minutes late, I'm out the door, clocked in for my meeting at 7:30, the minute it starts.
Whew. It was exhausting recapping that. As I was driving to work I was thinking to myself "what an amazing, crazy, awful, beautiful life."
My husband generally slept in, because his schedule allowed him to begin his day around 9am, which worked great because he is in no way, shape, or form a morning person.
So, why do you care about this? Why am I mentioning it?
Well, because my mornings these days are quite a bit different. This morning was a perfect example. I am currently taking a critical care class two days a week and then working my 12 hour shifts two days a week. My husband is student teaching five days a week. He also tries to work a couple days a week for a few hours. The girls have daycare three days a week, and go to gramma's on a fourth day if we need it.
Got all that?
No? Don't worry, me either. In the morning, my house is batshit crazy. To top off all of us getting ready at the same time most mornings, we also only have one bathroom. Yep. I'm not complaining, I mean, we're lucky to have a warm house to wake up in everyday, but one bathroom for four people is a bit like trying to nail jell-o to a tree = difficult and sometimes impossible. Luckily, I'm the only girl in the house straightening her hair and wearing make up. Note to self, we will need another bathroom before the girls hit puberty.
Last but not least, remember how I told you that my husband is not a morning person? I would like to mention that again. This is how my morning went today:
Up at 5:40 to get myself ready for an early morning meeting and class starting at 7:30, which means I have to leave my house by about 6:50 to get there on time without having road rage.
Husband gets up at same time, sits on couch, drinks protein shake and coffee.
6:10 I'm almost ready, husband goes out to garage to work out.
6:30 husband comes in and grumbles to me "If I'm taking them to grammas can you at least get them ready." I smile and say "yes" while visualizing punching him in the face.
6:35 girls get up, go to bathroom
6:40 girls found laying on couch, lay out kid clothes, put toothpaste on toothbrushes, tell them to get dressed and brush teeth. Make my breakfast and snack to-go.
6:45 dinner into crock pot, coffee brewing, husband comes in, barks at kids to get ready (and they pretty much already are)
6:50 put kids hair up in ponytails, get reprimanded by 3 year-old because "it's bumpy." Remind her grandma can fix it, coax them to put shoes and coats on, put on my coat, pour to-go coffees for hubby and me
6:55 girls leave house with dad, as they're walking out, I realize I didn't give the dog her insulin (yes our damn dog is diabetic), and our little dog her antibiotics (absessed tooth)
7:00 ten minutes late, I'm out the door, clocked in for my meeting at 7:30, the minute it starts.
Whew. It was exhausting recapping that. As I was driving to work I was thinking to myself "what an amazing, crazy, awful, beautiful life."
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The Sunscreen Song
The sunscreen song was a song that came out back in high school (actual year was 1999) when a guy named Baz Luhrman decided to put his essay to song. It's actually titled "Everyone's free (to wear sunscreen)." Within some humor there is some REALLY good advice in this song. Lot's of times when I'm feeling lost, overwhelmed, or as of late: anxious, I will listen to the song and try to hold on to some piece of it for the day. Today is:
"Worry, but know that worrying is about as effective as solving an algebra equasion by chewing bubble gum."
We have to take risks in our life. We have to bring ourselves to the end of our comfort blanketed rope and branch out. We have to get up and try. If we don't exit our comfort zones, we will never really live.
Anyway, I'm obviously feeling a little "deep" on this foggy cold morning, as the girls sit next to me working on letter tracing. Here's the video, I hope it gives you some insight today.
Watch it here: http://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI and have a great day.
"Worry, but know that worrying is about as effective as solving an algebra equasion by chewing bubble gum."
We have to take risks in our life. We have to bring ourselves to the end of our comfort blanketed rope and branch out. We have to get up and try. If we don't exit our comfort zones, we will never really live.
Anyway, I'm obviously feeling a little "deep" on this foggy cold morning, as the girls sit next to me working on letter tracing. Here's the video, I hope it gives you some insight today.
Watch it here: http://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI and have a great day.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013
What a holiday season it has been. We had our first Christmas with the girls, which included a preschool party on Christmas eve, followed by dinner at my husbands cousins house. Then Christmas morning we opened presents as a family of four. It was amazing! Santa left bikes, sparkly shoes, and umbrella's. Mom and dad bought waaay too many other things (shoes, toys, books, dresses). Then we went to my husbands grandma's house for breakfast. In the evening, I cooked a ham for four family and my husbands brothers family.
Then, on the 27th we left to fly to the midwest for Christmas with my side of the family. We were there until yesterday, and we got home last night (new years eve) at 7:30pm.
And you were all wondering where the anxiety was coming from!
On that note, I've been much better. I know much of my anxiety is because of my .... ok, I'm going to say it: controlling personality. Let me give you an example: We flew southwest, and they don't assign seats. I was having heart palpitations boarding the plane because I was worried we wouldn't get enough seats together. I actually worried about this an hour before the flight. Not normal. My mom, and my grandma are the same way. We stress over every little thing.
After writing the last post, I got some great feedback and pointers from friends. I have found ways to work through the moments when I feel anxious. Honestly, the hardest thing at this point is worrying I'll have another moment. It was very scary.
Anyway, I'm working through it. I really nervous to start my new job Thursday, but that goes in stride too. I feel like some anxiety is good, it makes us alert, and makes us work hard. But I refuse to let it prevent me from doing anything.
As for my reflection on 2012: What. A. Ride. I (finally) became mother, in a way I never thought I would. This year has been about flexibility, outsourcing, taking advice I don't always ask for (all new moms get this), being patient, maintaining "awesome wife" status despite my busy schedule, being humble about my blessings, and overall, attempting to judge less, love more, and smile. Lastly, being grateful for every moment I get in this crazy world.
A good friend of mine and her husband moved across the globe because they wanted to. I mean it. They wanted to live in this place, this far away paradise (from what I can see), and they made it happen. My quote for 2013 comes from her. As I start a job in critical care, which is something I know little about, as I continue to parent two preschoolers and consider another child, as I lead and follow in the dance of marriage, I will remember this:
Then, on the 27th we left to fly to the midwest for Christmas with my side of the family. We were there until yesterday, and we got home last night (new years eve) at 7:30pm.
And you were all wondering where the anxiety was coming from!
On that note, I've been much better. I know much of my anxiety is because of my .... ok, I'm going to say it: controlling personality. Let me give you an example: We flew southwest, and they don't assign seats. I was having heart palpitations boarding the plane because I was worried we wouldn't get enough seats together. I actually worried about this an hour before the flight. Not normal. My mom, and my grandma are the same way. We stress over every little thing.
After writing the last post, I got some great feedback and pointers from friends. I have found ways to work through the moments when I feel anxious. Honestly, the hardest thing at this point is worrying I'll have another moment. It was very scary.
Anyway, I'm working through it. I really nervous to start my new job Thursday, but that goes in stride too. I feel like some anxiety is good, it makes us alert, and makes us work hard. But I refuse to let it prevent me from doing anything.
As for my reflection on 2012: What. A. Ride. I (finally) became mother, in a way I never thought I would. This year has been about flexibility, outsourcing, taking advice I don't always ask for (all new moms get this), being patient, maintaining "awesome wife" status despite my busy schedule, being humble about my blessings, and overall, attempting to judge less, love more, and smile. Lastly, being grateful for every moment I get in this crazy world.
A good friend of mine and her husband moved across the globe because they wanted to. I mean it. They wanted to live in this place, this far away paradise (from what I can see), and they made it happen. My quote for 2013 comes from her. As I start a job in critical care, which is something I know little about, as I continue to parent two preschoolers and consider another child, as I lead and follow in the dance of marriage, I will remember this:
"If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough" - unknown
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Panic
Panic is a sudden sensation of fear which is so strong as to dominate or prevent reason and logical thinking, replacing it with overwhelming feelings of anxiety and frantic agitation consistent with an animalistic fight-or-flight reaction.
This week I had a panic attack.
I have had three of them in my life that I can remember.
1. After watching "Black Swan" while on my period due to too many doses of Midol
2. Three weeks ago in the grocery store with my older daughter when I was thinking what would happen to her if something happened to me when we were out and about. I got a pain in my chest, and there it started.
3. Thursday afternoon after talking with a friend about a big stressor in my life. The discussion made me realize someone I love may be in real danger, and so it began. This time the panic attack lasted over 30 minutes.
Why is this happening?
I have had my share of bad times, and lately, I'm pretty freaking humbled about my life. I have everything I have asked for. I am full of joy and love. To be honest though, this fulfillment is scary for me. I mean, what if everything falls apart again? I know what you are thinking "wow, she's a pessimist" but that isn't it. I'm just a super cautious person. I am a nurse, and I see lives of people turn upside down in an instant. It is true that some completely healthy twenty-something year-olds do develop serious illnesses. They even die from them.
I did just leave a job I was very comfortable in (my last day was yesterday) for a job that will be challenging but very rewarding. The unknown has never been a place I like to be, but I also believe that you've gotta take big risks to get big rewards.
It is the holidays, and in the midst of the fun, and happiness is the stress of accomplishing shopping, getting Christmas cards out, having to get on a plane with two kids next week (big stress) and a husband who has a phobia of flying (bigger stress). And, of course, the fact that my sister is in heaven and not here with my enjoying our family always lays heavy on my heart this time of year.
Stress. I know I have it, but it really bothers me that my body is reacting to it. I don't know what to do about it other than to be honest about it, write about it (hence this post) and work through it.
What does it feel like?
It usually starts with a visual disturbance. My vision feels darker and blurry. Then I sort of get an overwhelming feeling of fatigue, like I'm so tired I'm just going to pass out. Then the heart starts pounding, and my throat and chest are tingly/burning and I cannot catch my breath. All of this is coupled with pain in my chest and nausea. The first two times it happened I prayed to God for help, and deep breathed my way through it. But this last time, I happened to be driving, so thankfully my husband talked me through it. There was a point I was ready to pull over and call an ambulance, but I refrained.
After it happened, I was wiped out the rest of the night, and the next morning, my stomach was still in knots. I work at a hospital, so a friend hooked me up to a monitor just to help me rationalize that this is all in my head, and I'm not having a heart attack or something. My vitals and heart rhythm were fine (of course).
Now, two days later, I'm still not feeling completely normal, I think just because I am worried it'll happen again, and I won't be able to control it.
So, I'm working on doing a few different things to help me calm down and function without this happening again.
1. I have not been exercising much lately, this is something that I have always done, and helps me a lot with dress. So, I'm getting back into that---- tomorrow!
2. stretching
3. laying off caffeine
4. sleeping and resting a lot
5. writing in a journal, and talking to my husband about how I'm feeling.
6. deep breathing
If anyone has had this happen to them and has more ideas on how I can manage it, please let me know. I'm completely open to suggestions.
For now, I'm off work for two weeks, I have a great holiday planned, and I will be fine.
I will be fine.
This week I had a panic attack.
I have had three of them in my life that I can remember.
1. After watching "Black Swan" while on my period due to too many doses of Midol
2. Three weeks ago in the grocery store with my older daughter when I was thinking what would happen to her if something happened to me when we were out and about. I got a pain in my chest, and there it started.
3. Thursday afternoon after talking with a friend about a big stressor in my life. The discussion made me realize someone I love may be in real danger, and so it began. This time the panic attack lasted over 30 minutes.
Why is this happening?
I have had my share of bad times, and lately, I'm pretty freaking humbled about my life. I have everything I have asked for. I am full of joy and love. To be honest though, this fulfillment is scary for me. I mean, what if everything falls apart again? I know what you are thinking "wow, she's a pessimist" but that isn't it. I'm just a super cautious person. I am a nurse, and I see lives of people turn upside down in an instant. It is true that some completely healthy twenty-something year-olds do develop serious illnesses. They even die from them.
I did just leave a job I was very comfortable in (my last day was yesterday) for a job that will be challenging but very rewarding. The unknown has never been a place I like to be, but I also believe that you've gotta take big risks to get big rewards.
It is the holidays, and in the midst of the fun, and happiness is the stress of accomplishing shopping, getting Christmas cards out, having to get on a plane with two kids next week (big stress) and a husband who has a phobia of flying (bigger stress). And, of course, the fact that my sister is in heaven and not here with my enjoying our family always lays heavy on my heart this time of year.
Stress. I know I have it, but it really bothers me that my body is reacting to it. I don't know what to do about it other than to be honest about it, write about it (hence this post) and work through it.
What does it feel like?
It usually starts with a visual disturbance. My vision feels darker and blurry. Then I sort of get an overwhelming feeling of fatigue, like I'm so tired I'm just going to pass out. Then the heart starts pounding, and my throat and chest are tingly/burning and I cannot catch my breath. All of this is coupled with pain in my chest and nausea. The first two times it happened I prayed to God for help, and deep breathed my way through it. But this last time, I happened to be driving, so thankfully my husband talked me through it. There was a point I was ready to pull over and call an ambulance, but I refrained.
After it happened, I was wiped out the rest of the night, and the next morning, my stomach was still in knots. I work at a hospital, so a friend hooked me up to a monitor just to help me rationalize that this is all in my head, and I'm not having a heart attack or something. My vitals and heart rhythm were fine (of course).
Now, two days later, I'm still not feeling completely normal, I think just because I am worried it'll happen again, and I won't be able to control it.
So, I'm working on doing a few different things to help me calm down and function without this happening again.
1. I have not been exercising much lately, this is something that I have always done, and helps me a lot with dress. So, I'm getting back into that---- tomorrow!
2. stretching
3. laying off caffeine
4. sleeping and resting a lot
5. writing in a journal, and talking to my husband about how I'm feeling.
6. deep breathing
If anyone has had this happen to them and has more ideas on how I can manage it, please let me know. I'm completely open to suggestions.
For now, I'm off work for two weeks, I have a great holiday planned, and I will be fine.
I will be fine.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Gripe- Searching for Peace
The girls birth certificates came last week, as I mentioned, and since I've gotten them I've been thinking to myself a lot about how adoption finalization does kind of erase their past. With my kids, they don't really have any memory of their birth mother, and at this point, they don't even mention their prior caregiver. With that being said, I don't bring these individuals up at all, they used to mention things about their prior caregiver, but never their birth mom.
Anyway, I've sort of been having this personal guilt trip about changing their names, and now changing their social security numbers, having my name on their birth certificates, etc. Like this woman that gave them the gift of life is just gone. And did that make me a bad person for feeling relieved? I almost felt in defense of her.
That is, until today, when I get an email stating she has bought the girls Christmas presents and wants them to have them. A whole new momma bear reaction stirred within me. How would I present the kids with these gifts? Who would I say they were from? Is it really my decision to withold the presents from the kids? In discussion with a few friends, someone said, "you could tell them that these are from their real mom." Of course, my friend didn't mean anything negative by this comment, but it brought my heart into my throat. Oh. I am not their "real" mom. Does she have a right, as the biological mother, to stay in their lives despite the series of events that lead them to me?
I think the most difficult thing for me is that I both love and despise their birth mom. I am jealous of her, but could never be like her. This woman carried my babies. But because of her poor choices, I now have my daughters. She had to fail for me to succeed. What a wonderfully horrible thing. It's so conflicting.
In the midst of dealing with all these thoughts and emotions, one of my best friends had her baby this week. And I am watching this beautiful process of giving birth after carrying this baby, who looks like her, who is hers, and how special that is for her and her family. I am so happy for them. But it brings me back to three short years ago (tomorrow will be to the day) that I was in the same hospital, having surgery to remove the only pregnancy I've been blessed to have. Three years, two kids, and a whole lot of perspective later, and I cannot sit here and write that I know everything is going to be OK.
I still don't know how i will rise above it if I am never to be someones "real" mother. If I never carry a baby, I don't know that I will ever be able to sit here and say, "it's OK."
Pregnancy surrounds me now more than ever, and I love that my friends, and coworkers get to experience such a blessing. But will I ever have my shot? And, if I don't get it, will there come a time where I can look into the mirror and say "it wasn't meant to be, it's OK"
Anyway, I've sort of been having this personal guilt trip about changing their names, and now changing their social security numbers, having my name on their birth certificates, etc. Like this woman that gave them the gift of life is just gone. And did that make me a bad person for feeling relieved? I almost felt in defense of her.
That is, until today, when I get an email stating she has bought the girls Christmas presents and wants them to have them. A whole new momma bear reaction stirred within me. How would I present the kids with these gifts? Who would I say they were from? Is it really my decision to withold the presents from the kids? In discussion with a few friends, someone said, "you could tell them that these are from their real mom." Of course, my friend didn't mean anything negative by this comment, but it brought my heart into my throat. Oh. I am not their "real" mom. Does she have a right, as the biological mother, to stay in their lives despite the series of events that lead them to me?
I think the most difficult thing for me is that I both love and despise their birth mom. I am jealous of her, but could never be like her. This woman carried my babies. But because of her poor choices, I now have my daughters. She had to fail for me to succeed. What a wonderfully horrible thing. It's so conflicting.
In the midst of dealing with all these thoughts and emotions, one of my best friends had her baby this week. And I am watching this beautiful process of giving birth after carrying this baby, who looks like her, who is hers, and how special that is for her and her family. I am so happy for them. But it brings me back to three short years ago (tomorrow will be to the day) that I was in the same hospital, having surgery to remove the only pregnancy I've been blessed to have. Three years, two kids, and a whole lot of perspective later, and I cannot sit here and write that I know everything is going to be OK.
I still don't know how i will rise above it if I am never to be someones "real" mother. If I never carry a baby, I don't know that I will ever be able to sit here and say, "it's OK."
Pregnancy surrounds me now more than ever, and I love that my friends, and coworkers get to experience such a blessing. But will I ever have my shot? And, if I don't get it, will there come a time where I can look into the mirror and say "it wasn't meant to be, it's OK"
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Moving Forward
Again, I've turned into a blog slacker.
I just don't know what direction to take you in, little blog. Since I'm a mom and I haven't the slightest clue what the frick I'm doing as a parent, this sure as hell cannot be an advice blog.
I suppose it could be a "hey my kid did this so I did this" blog, and you can all read, laugh, and judge (but hopefully not report) me. Ha.
I'm not ready to even think about actively trying to have a baby. Though I do WANT another kid, preferably one made up of parts of me and my husband the idea of "TTC" aka Trying to Conceive, or paying any kind of specific attention to my cycle makes me have symptoms of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).
I don't know how I'll ever go back to that place. I have never prevented pregnancy since we left the realm of fertility treatments 17 months ago. But, I do not have much sex (thank you kids) and have just tried to not notice those weird small things like: cervical mucus. Early on I avoided my "fertile" time aka: watery and egg white cervical mucus. (If I'm speaking Dutch here go back about two years and you'll learn all about my fertility antics and research- which by the way did NOTHING for me).
Anyway....wow this post has gone array to a personal, akward place.
I did get an early Christmas present today: The girls new BIRTH CERTIFICATES came! They told us when we finalized the adoption (not even two months ago) that it would be six months at the earliest. So that's really exciting! The new birth certificates list their adopted names (we kept their first names but changed the spelling) gave them new middle names, one of them after my sister, the other after my grandma, and of course, our last name.
The best part? Under MOTHER it says ..... my name! And, under Father, my husbands. It's so weird, like we erased their past, and now it's like they were born to us.
Of course, they will know they grew in someone else's tummy. They will know age appropriately how we became a family.
I honestly still cannot believe we adopted two kids. We just (did a lot of paper work and stuff 1st) picked them up, brought them home, and kept them. It's crazy. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. Well now these kids are pruning in the bathtub because I left them playing in there to write this....don't judge, I can see them.
I just don't know what direction to take you in, little blog. Since I'm a mom and I haven't the slightest clue what the frick I'm doing as a parent, this sure as hell cannot be an advice blog.
I suppose it could be a "hey my kid did this so I did this" blog, and you can all read, laugh, and judge (but hopefully not report) me. Ha.
I'm not ready to even think about actively trying to have a baby. Though I do WANT another kid, preferably one made up of parts of me and my husband the idea of "TTC" aka Trying to Conceive, or paying any kind of specific attention to my cycle makes me have symptoms of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).
I don't know how I'll ever go back to that place. I have never prevented pregnancy since we left the realm of fertility treatments 17 months ago. But, I do not have much sex (thank you kids) and have just tried to not notice those weird small things like: cervical mucus. Early on I avoided my "fertile" time aka: watery and egg white cervical mucus. (If I'm speaking Dutch here go back about two years and you'll learn all about my fertility antics and research- which by the way did NOTHING for me).
Anyway....wow this post has gone array to a personal, akward place.
I did get an early Christmas present today: The girls new BIRTH CERTIFICATES came! They told us when we finalized the adoption (not even two months ago) that it would be six months at the earliest. So that's really exciting! The new birth certificates list their adopted names (we kept their first names but changed the spelling) gave them new middle names, one of them after my sister, the other after my grandma, and of course, our last name.
The best part? Under MOTHER it says ..... my name! And, under Father, my husbands. It's so weird, like we erased their past, and now it's like they were born to us.
Of course, they will know they grew in someone else's tummy. They will know age appropriately how we became a family.
I honestly still cannot believe we adopted two kids. We just (did a lot of paper work and stuff 1st) picked them up, brought them home, and kept them. It's crazy. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. Well now these kids are pruning in the bathtub because I left them playing in there to write this....don't judge, I can see them.
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