I've been meeting a lot of new people lately, and have been talking about my girls a lot. There are two things that always lead me to share that they joined our family by adoption, the first is that I wear a necklace every day that says "Grew in my heart" and has the girls names on it. The second, is when I tell people their ages. The conversation almost always goes like this:
Them: How old are your kids?
Me: 4 and 5
Them: Wow, they're really close in age, it's like having twins.
Me: Yes, they're a year and a week apart.
Them: Wow, you're brave.
Me: Well, I didn't have them as babies, they came home at ages 3 and 4 so I got lucky.
Them: Confused look
Me: My husband and I brought them into our family by adoption.
And then the questions start.....
I'm open about the fact that my children were adopted, I don't see it as "private" or something we don't talk about. Adoption is an amazing thing, I wouldn't be a mom today if it weren't for adoption. I don't share the girls past, just our journey to becoming a family. And, some of the questions I get asked, are asked over and over again. Here they are.
1. Aren't you afraid their real parents will take them back? Or, Can their real parents come back and take them? The "real parent" statement used to really bother me, but it doesn't anymore. I know what people mean. They mean to say "biological" they just say "real" instead. But seriously, I'm these girls "real" mom. My blood doesn't run through them but they have my spirit. And no, they cannot go back to their egg and sperm donor because our adoption is final. My husband and I are on their birth certificate.
2. Do they ask for their birth family/real parents? No, they don't. They no longer (for the past 6 months or so) ask for anyone who was in their life before us. And it makes me both happy and sad at the same time. (I will have to approach this in another post).
3. & 4. What's the adoption process like? How much does it cost? I always answer these questions honestly. It's a long process, and it's invasive, but for good cause of keeping kids safe. Fos-adopt doesn't cost much, domestic newborn adoption (private adoption) does.
5. Are they adjusting well? Are they healthy? This is always a fun one because I get to say "yes." But, it's sad to me that the stigma is that these kids aren't healthy or able to adjust. In some cases it is tough. And, let me tell you, they scare the crap out of you in the pre-adoption classes. I heard scary stories, but honestly, even though I know my home wouldn't be the best for a troubled child it's not their fault. The adults that kids love and trust hurt them in one way or anther in these situations, and it breaks their heart. Kids don't know how to handle a broken heart, so many adoptive parents have to work heart to mend a childs broken heart, broken spirit, and lack of trust. God bless these people.
We were presented with information on a 1 year-old but she had a lot of medical problems, and so much of them were unknown for the future. We declined because we didn't feel we could be the best parents for her. It was sad, but we were scared. That little girl deserved a family who could embrace her challenges and work hard to help her. If I were a stay-at-home mom I would have considered it, but she was just too delicate for daycare, which I knew was in my kids future.
6. Are you going to have "your own" children? First off, my girls are MINE. But again, I know people mean "biological" children. The real answer is, I don't know. I hope so. So I usually say with a smile, "I hope so!" But, time will tell. And, that is the truth. But, I can say for sure, I will have another child, one way or another, our family is not complete yet!
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