2013

What a holiday season it has been. We had our first Christmas with the girls, which included a preschool party on Christmas eve, followed by dinner at my husbands cousins house. Then Christmas morning we opened presents as a family of four. It was amazing! Santa left bikes, sparkly shoes, and umbrella's. Mom and dad bought waaay too many other things (shoes, toys, books, dresses). Then we went to my husbands grandma's house for breakfast. In the evening, I cooked a ham for four family and my husbands brothers family.

Then, on the 27th we left to fly to the midwest for Christmas with my side of the family. We were there until yesterday, and we got home last night (new years eve) at 7:30pm.

And you were all wondering where the anxiety was coming from!

On that note, I've been much better. I know much of my anxiety is because of my .... ok, I'm going to say it: controlling personality. Let me give you an example: We flew southwest, and they don't assign seats. I was having heart palpitations boarding the plane because I was worried we wouldn't get enough seats together. I actually worried about this an hour before the flight. Not normal. My mom, and my grandma are the same way. We stress over every little thing.

After writing the last post, I got some great feedback and pointers from friends. I have found ways to work through the moments when I feel anxious. Honestly, the hardest thing at this point is worrying I'll have another moment. It was very scary.

Anyway, I'm working through it. I really nervous to start my new job Thursday, but that goes in stride too. I feel like some anxiety is good, it makes us alert, and makes us work hard. But I refuse to let it prevent me from doing anything.

As for my reflection on 2012: What. A. Ride. I (finally) became mother, in a way I never thought I would. This year has been about flexibility, outsourcing, taking advice I don't always ask for (all new moms get this), being patient, maintaining "awesome wife" status despite my busy schedule, being humble about my blessings, and overall, attempting to judge less, love more, and smile. Lastly, being grateful for every moment I get in this crazy world.

A good friend of mine and her husband moved across the globe because they wanted to. I mean it. They wanted to live in this place, this far away paradise (from what I can see), and they made it happen. My quote for 2013 comes from her. As I start a job in critical care, which is something I know little about, as I continue to parent two preschoolers and consider another child, as I lead and follow in the dance of marriage, I will remember this:

"If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough" - unknown