You know, throughout this journey I have dealt with sadness, anger, frustration, hopelessness, let down, and even a few moments of flat out giving up. But, the most difficult thing I've dealt with since we've started trying to have a baby is envy. That horrid feeling we get when someone else has, or is experiencing something that we desperately want.
It's not comfortable.
I once told someone that I could handle all the hurt and the disappointment, but I just hated the fact that a pregnant friend became someone I loathed interacting with, someone I didn't want to be around. It's a really, really shitty feeling, and I know its petty and ridiculous, but I cannot always change the way I feel.
My husband said to me one night, "How can you let your emotions get the best of you and not be there for your friends during their special time. Would you want to miss out on so-and-so's pregnancy because you were jealous?" He's right. So I try and do what any good friend should: put on my best Oscar face and be congratulatory and as genuine as I can be. But, it does hurt. Day after day it hurts.
I certainly don't really have any advice to offer on this topic, if you have any for me please share it! I found this article tonight, which actually prompted this blog post:
http://www.conceiveonline.com/articles/pregnancy-envy
"If we only knew what the future holds, after a hurricane comes a rainbow." - Katy Perry
Oh man, I know exactly how you feel. My sister in law and i started trying around the same time.. she got pregnant 3 months in.. i'm on month 10 ... so every time I see her I just get angry. It's not fair. She already has a child. I get angry. and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm envious like extremely .. but I don't let it get in the way of being around her. It's not fair to be angry at her.. she's not the one I'm annoyed with.. I'm mostly annoyed with my body.. but I don't need any more stress in my life.. actually i rarely see her anyhow.. which really helps.. but I'll tell you I have about 7 friends who are in all stages of pregnancy right now.. it's hard for us ttc... I have no help for you ... I've read just about every article on how to deal with it.. I guess it gets easier as time goes.. you eventually just deal with it.. I don't think you ever get comfortable with it though .. dunno.. it in the end sucks.. until you have a kid.. I guess it makes me feel better when her kid is acting up and being annoying.. then I'm kinda glad I don't have to deal with it.. lol
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. It helps to know I'm not alone. Some days are better than others, thats for sure.
ReplyDeleteTry to get some "me" time in before any engagement you know you will be surrounded by pregnant/babies crowd. I had great responses when I literally sent a disclaimer out to my close family and friends. It basically stated what I am ttc and dealing with infertility issues, that i dont want a tidal wave of sympathy I just need understanding when my days a low and I dont want to be bothered. (it was a little more eloquent than that) Also I try to learn from their experience with doctors, birthing classes, birthing options, foods, clothes, discounts, etcetera. Overall dont hide your feelings, you dont have to express them to outside people, but bottling them up and trying to cast them aside to save face will only make you erupt later. There really isnt no super option or cure, but if you happen to find one, please share :) I hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteLee,
ReplyDeleteI agree, understanding is literally the glue that holds me together.