And there he was, masturbating in the park.

So this is kinda off topic, I mean, really in my world and masturbation is seen as flat out reckless abandonment. All sperm are to go towards my waiting egg, and nothing else!

 (not my photo)

With that being said...

The other day a friend of mine was having a stressful time. You see, she is getting married in less than a week, and things such as rain, tornado's, less than organized family members were all getting to her. So, I suggested that we take a walk in the park to clear her head, and relax a little. She graciously accepted.

So we're walking along the cement path, talking about wedding plans, and my new job when bam, to our right there is a man sitting on the bench masturbating. Yep. He had his hand down his sweat pants and was visibling massaging his one-eyed snake.
Choking the chicken
Jacking off
Or as they say in the PC world: masturbating.

We both stopped talking and started holding in our laughter. Honestly, I was closest to him so the first thing that crossed my mind was, "oh shit, I have spandex on and my ass looks pretty good in spandex what if he jumps up and rubs himself on me, or worse, what if our asses combined make him finish." So gross.

This was a sunny Sunday afternoon in the park, there were lots of families out, and kids running around, so we decided we should call the cops and report him. Of course neither of us had our phones, so once we passed him we stopped and asked some fellow parkgoers if they had a phone we could borrow. They did.

I have never called the cops on someone, so I wasn't sure what number to call. Apparently its acceptable to call 9-1-1 in a situation like this to get to the local police. So that's what we did. My friend waited on the phone with the 9-1-1 operator while the cops came to the scene (so much for providing her with stress relief). Then the cop questioned both of us about what had actually happened, and my friend being the animated talker that she is, full on provided the nice officer with the hand motion that the guy was doing when we saw him. I told her she deserved and Oscar for that performance.

There were no arrests made though, cause apparently you have to see the ACTUAL penis to have it be classified as "indecent exposure." So lame.

Ah, just another "walk in the park!"