Monday, June 20, 2011

6 months was irritating, but this is ridiculous.

I know, I know, I haven't written in over a week. What can I say? My "taking a break" mentality has turned into "I'm not pregnant" rage and tears in a matter of one week. Again, I am desperate to be a mom.

It all started when I went to a company picnic this past weekend and EVERYONE else had a baby, toddler, or was expecting. Yes, I'm exaggerating, but thats how it felt. I saw people who have tried, conceived and had a baby in the time I've been trying. I saw one co-worker who had her 5 month old, and her one and a half year-old at the BBQ, both were just a thought when I started this journey.

The title of this post stems from the fact that next week it has been two years since we started trying to conceive. Two years. You know, looking back I thought this may all take a while after my mishap with the ectopic pregnancy, but never, never-ever did I think I'd be sitting in my house two years later childless with a heavy heart.

Ok, I'm whining, I wont lie, I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself these days, but the question surfaces, "ok, I'm miserable, what am I going to do about it?" So today, after much discussion with my husband, and a few days of sitting with my own thoughts I called a second RE to get another opinion about what my options are moving forward from here. I could return to my OB/GYN but I just feel like if I'm going to shell out big bucks for any treatment I want someone who does these treatments every day doing them to me, not my OB who does them rarely. So, in the next few weeks I will meet with a second RE.

The one I chose this time came recommended by the OB/GYN who treated me for my 1st pregnancy and did my surgery when the pregnancy was found to be ectopic. To date, he is my favorite doctor. So, when I called and asked for his opinion, and he glowingly recommended this RE's office I called and made an appointment.

I don't really know whats to come. I still struggle to allow God to hold this in his hands, too. But, I cannot simply be a passenger any longer. I've enjoyed my break but, after my next cycle (which should be starting this weekend) I am eager to start treatments again. Someone once told me that no matter what you've got to buy a ticket and take the ride. So here I go, once again, a passenger.

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