Saturday, October 27, 2012

Settling In

We've been a forever family for a week. I wish I could sit here and tell you, "oh it's just a document, we've been a family since the girls came home" but I'd be lying. It wasn't love at first sight, and we weren't a family right away. It really did take time. There were moments when I didn't know if I could handle having the girls stay. They definitely both went through some major limit setting. But, somehow it's different now.

I know, for sure, I've fallen in love with these kids just as if they grew inside me. I think a lot of what kept me from bonding immediately was the fear I had. I had fear they'd go back to their birth family, fear that they would be affected by their prior life, fear they weren't normal kids, fear that they wouldn't be accepted by my family and friends. But as time went on, and they showed their true good hearted selves day in and day out, met and won over every family member and friend they met, they sat next to me on the couch every night and wiggled their way into my heart.

It's not hearts and flowers raising kids. Especially when they don't know you very well. It's difficult, and quite frankly, some days you get up and wonder what the frick you've signed up for. But, I do know that most days I wake up with so much joy in my heart it feels like it could burst.

Now we're heading into halloween next week, our first with kiddos! And Christmas soon. I cannot wait for the holidays this year.

But for now, I am just sitting here, grin on my face at 7:33am on a Saturday with a kid on each side and I'm writing this: I would do it all again if I knew it would end up this way. All of it. Without a second thought.

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