Friday, October 14, 2011

Things Fall Apart

Holy shit, yes, they do.

Today, two hours before we were supposed to leave for the airport and catch our plane, we got a loooong text message on my phone:

Our birth mom has decided to keep her baby.

Her timing was horrid, and her mode of delivery even worse. But, ultimately, it is her choice. So, we cancelled our rent-a-car, hotel room and plane tickets. Luckily, we're only out the cost for one night at the hotel, and some of our ticket cost, and we now have vouchers to fly back to see my family for Christmas.

Yes, I'm reaching for silver lining here.

As of yesterday I had spoken with our birth mom twice this week, we had great chats, and had even planned a gender ultrasound for Saturday, to find out all together. But, apparently this morning something changed, or maybe it changed a while ago, and she didn't want to have to break our hearts.

Well, my heart is broken. I feel like I have lost our second baby. I am so devastated at how this journey to motherhood has gone so far, I cannot put it in to words.

If you pray, pray for me to be strong. Pray for me to some how pull together happiness for our friends who delivered a healthy baby boy today. Pray that someday soon my our baby will find their way home, because I cannot be strong like this forever.


  1. Sorry to hear that things didn't work out :( Praying for you.

  2. Thanks so much. I am fortunate to have the best friends in the world, and an amazing husband who are all getting me through this. It hurts, but I'll be OK.