Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Pregnancy Posts

I am a facebooker. This should not shock anyone, I've never researched it, but I'm sure that about 90% of Americans facebook. Ok, maybe not that many, seeing as how the elder folks aren't well versed in the technological world for the most part but, you get my point.

Here's the deal. Facebook is not therapy. It should not be used as such. No one gives a shit that your husband has cheated, you have no money in the bank, or your car broke down AGAIN, and you cannot fix it. Likewise, happy news also needs to be kept to a minimum. I have created the letter below for the "Hey I'm pregnant facebook friends" in my life. Please change accordingly for yours.


I am so sorry to be a bother, but when it comes to cataloging EVERY pregnancy symptom that you are experiencing, I really don't give a shit. You see, not everyone is as fertile as you. In fact, I am not fertile. I've been trying to have a kid for 2.5 years. You wouldn't know this, because I don't feel the need to share it with the entire effing world. So, as you are complaining about nausea, sore/huge boobs, indigestion, and all the things you cannot do, I'm literally sticking pins into the voodoo doll I've created for your ungrateful, growing ass. Please keep this in mind in future posts.

Also, when you use humor to try and make your symptoms funny, or add in "I'm pregnant and I want you to know it" digs into each status update, its actually worse than your blatent complaining posts. Keep that in mind. For example, when you say "note to pregnant self...." and go on to say something really stupid that I likely do even though I'm not pregnant, I actually picture my self bitch slapping you.


No comments:

Post a Comment