Sunday, October 16, 2011

Letting the Dust Settle

It's been two days since our adoption fell apart. And, through spending time together, drinking wine, cooking meals and hitting up McDonalds (comfort food) we've done a lot of thinking, and praying.

I am so sad but then again, I am also grateful.
Grateful that this happened now, instead of after the baby was born.
Grateful that for the past two months we got to experience what it feels like to expect a baby. And, it was the most amazing feeling.

I know I'll get through this, I just have to feel it. If there is one thing I've learned over the past two years it's how to be strong, and move on with my life even when my heart hurts.

The heart ache of wanting to be a mommy is so painful, especially this time of year. Christmas decorations come out, parents are taking kids to pumpkin patches and picking out costumes all over Facebook. Two years ago I thought I was having my last holiday season without a baby, boy, was I wrong. So, here I am, bracing myself for (hopefully the last) one more Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas without a baby.

Breathe in, breathe out, right foot forward, than the left.

"Life isn't what it's supposed to be. It's what it is. It's how you cope with it that makes the difference."

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