Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Aftermath (of Adoption)

So, when you sign adoption papers, and are getting ready for the finalization date, the social workesr ask some difficult questions, and not only were we not expecting them, we didn't know what to answer. They asked us whether 1) we'd be open to more children that came into the system from the girls birth mom 2) would we be open to sibling contact if the girls had siblings that wanted to be in touch with them. After some discussion with our social workers, we said they could contact us for both, and then we would decide. Because the situation was hypothetical we didn't want to close the door.

A week or so ago, I got a call. One of my kids has 2 birth brothers. They have the same sperm donor (or birth dad). So, apparently the mother of these boys went to the county office and asked to contact us, this lead to a phone call by a social worker to me, which lead to pictures in the mail and a consent if I was interested, which lead to a big decision.

I felt a little lost. Almost like it wasn't my decision to make. Of course it is. But, this is HER past. If I say no, and she asks me one day about her birth family, how will I tell her that they tried to contact her and I sent them away? Will she hate me for that? So after much discussion between me and my husband, we decided to give the birth siblings an email address for her that they can mail pictures/write to. The email is anonymous and doesn't use our names at all. I also sent a picture of her.

The pictures I got from the boys mom were interesting. Her brothers look just like her. She looks like her sperm donor. Almost a spitting image really.

I think sibling contact hits close to home for me because I miss my sister everyday. And, if it were me, I'd want to know about siblings. Maybe when they get older they can meet if my daughter wants that. At least for now I have a few pictures and know their names. Their mom wanted us to meet and be a part of each other's lives, but I don't think thats in my daughters best interest. She is just too young to understand.

These complicated things were definitely NOT covered in all the required adoption classes. Honestly, I wanted to shut the whole thing down because, in a selfish way, it hurt me that these "strangers" looks so much like my daughter and I don't. My kids don't look like me. But, I suppose it doesn't matter because our hearts are the same <3

No comments:

Post a Comment