Monday, August 29, 2011

Birth fathers & Secretaries

Things are moving along. We're 13 weeks today. One more week and we're out of the first trimester already. Time feels like its moving slowly, but I know its going to fly by. There is still so much to accomplish. I have added "The Mother of all To-Do Lists" to the sidebar for easy tracking; and, it honestly entertains my Type A personality to have a list to cross off.

Why the title of this post?
Two things are happening/have happened in the past week and I'd like to share them both.

Birth father:
Our baby's birth father is young, indecisive, and from the sound of it, still possibly in "love" with our baby's birth mother. So, he is really struggling with this adoption. It doesn't seem he wants to parent this baby, but he isn't sure that he is willing to give up his rights either. He is being...for lack of a better word: difficult. In one sense, I don't blame him. I mean, this baby is genetically his, and I'm sure he's struggling with many emotions. On the other hand, I'm not sure his heart is in the right place. He has no parenting plan, no financial capability, and no familial support. All I can do is pray that God takes care of this one for us, and brings this baby to us.
Keep us in your thoughts this week, as the birth father will be asked to sign his termination of rights, and if he does that, I truly believe our journey will be easier from here on out. I wish he could see the desperation in our eyes and feel the attachment we've already grown to the baby that grows in our birth mom's tummy. I wish he could feel the warmth and love that radiates from our home. I wish he could see the many people in our lives that we've shared our news with that are (right along with us) awaiting graciously the arrival of our baby.

This is the most ridiculous thing that happened last week. We had to choose an agency to complete our homestudy for us. (Refer to the "Mother of all To-Do Lists" to see whats involved in this). Part of the application you fill out from this agency that we've chosen is a "Grocery" list of what type of child you'd accept in your home because the agency is foster to adopt focused. I called the secretary to see if we needed to fill our "list" out because we already know the baby we're expecting. This is the answer I got:
Secretary: Well, relinquishment's (our type of adoption) fall apart pretty often, so go ahead and fill it out so that we can move forward if this doesn't work out.
Me: Speechless (which never happens)
Secretary: So go ahead and fill it out, and then send it in to me and we'll go from there.
Me: Okay, I'll get it in the mail soon.

W.T.F.? Really? These are the people who take calls from families desperate for children. Really? Holy mother of crap I cannot believe this lady. If this had been anyone at the agency except for the secretary, I would have found another place to do our homestudy.

Maybe she had an adoption fail? I'm not sure. I know that when we met with social worker he had said that these types of adoption are the most risky, and that we should expect one failed placement (adoption that didn't work out) before a successful one. BUT, I believe our situation is different. We met this person through a family friend. She chose on her own to embark on this mission with us. Our connection is different, its not agency based. I'm not saying there is no chance she will change her mind, there is a chance. And, well, welcome to adoption. Whats my other option? To load myself full of hormones, and do that IUI cycle with my RE that may also not work out? I'm not a fertile myrtle. Things haven't happened easy for me. But, I'm hard working. So I will work hard every day I'm given to bring this baby home. I am going to believe that he or she is coming home every day. This is a gift. My relationship with our birth mother, and her family, is a gift. Too much has happened leading up to this that I'd be crazy not to see it as "meant to be." God does have a hand in this one.

As a last (less hostile) thought.....I'm in love with this quote:
"Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute that you didn't grow under my heart, but in it."

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