Thursday, February 24, 2011
On November 20th 2009 I took a pregnancy test. It was a Friday and I was deathly ill with what I thought was the swine flu. My whole body hurt and I had a fever of 102.0 that developed this day. It was crap and I was certain that I may die (yes I am a nurse who is also a hypochondriac).
Back to the pregnancy test: it had a faint line. My husband looked at me and said “you’re pregnant.” I told him he was wrong, that faint lines meant nothing. I was so naïve (because now if I got a faint line I'd be ecstatic, we'll get into this later). I went to bed all weekend, but deprived myself of robitussin, because my period was due any day and I was hoping she wouldn’t show and I’d be pregnant.
On November 23rd I was finally up and around. I still didn’t feel great, but had planned a shopping trip with my friend to do some early Christmas shopping. I never miss a shopping trip. I woke up, drank my morning cup of coffee and immediately felt nauseated. Weird. Well, I thought I must still be getting over the flu. We shopped most of the day, and on our way home stopped at a coffee shop for a chai latte and a brownie. But I couldn’t eat the brownie. The chocolate didn’t even sound good. Anyone who knows anything about me knows I love chocolate. Love it, never turn it down. I could eat chocolate three meals a day and still crave more. At this point my friend got involved and we ended up stopping at Target to buy pregnancy tests. This time I went for the digital.
You know what comes next don’t you? I got home, peed on my clear blue easy, and up popped the happiest, most fulfilling word in the English language at that moment: Pregnant. Oh my God! Heart pounding, jumping up and down, I called my friend on her cell to tell her. More importantly, I only had an hour before my husband got home from work, and had to think of something creative to do to tell him. We squealed with excitement and pretty much planned my entire pregnancy in about five minutes and also devised a great plan for telling my husband.
When he got home and I handed him a box. I said to him that I had bought this present for him today, and yes it was kind of expensive, but I knew he would love it. In the box was the test. I have never seen him examine something so closely. He looked at me and said, “is this real?” It was real, and we were so excited! That night, against everything we had said before, we told our parents, grandparents, my brother-in-law, and two of my close friends.
For the next twelve hours I was ecstatic, but the following day things became more complicated and I realized that this pregnancy was not going to last.
The following day I went to my gynecologist’s office to pick up a lab slip. They called it “pregnancy confirmation.” They would draw my blood and see if I was in fact pregnant. The result came back at 26. I had no idea what this meant, and while waiting for the doctor to call me, I called my friend who had been taking the steps to become a surrogate mom for a childless couple. She told me that the number 26 was low, and that I needed to remain guarded because something could be wrong. I was terrified.
Later that evening my doctor called and said that the number was low, but that numbers varied in early pregnancy and I shouldn’t be worried. Too late! I looked up HCG levels in my nursing lab book and scanned over what could be the result of a low level. Among the list of things was “ectopic pregnancy.” I remembered learning about that in nursing school and recalled the risk factors: STD’s, endometriosis, and others. None of these had I been diagnosed with. So that was out.
Over the next few weeks I was scared but tried to remain calm and positive. The obstetrician I chose didn’t see patients until 10 weeks. So I had nothing to do but wait, and pray. I never really felt typically “pregnant.” My boobs hurt, and I was a bit tired. But, when I hit 7 weeks pregnant and had minimal morning sickness I began to wonder. Was I just the lucky woman who didn’t get sick? Or was something wrong?
We spent our nights tossing around names we liked, talking to our little one, finding out how big the baby was already. It was a dream come true and we couldn’t wait to meet him or her in July. July 24th was our given due date, and it couldn’t come soon enough.