Ch Ch Ch Changes

So many things are happening, my life has changed so much. And now the bulk of my time is spent caring for these two little girls, my daughters...sigh....so I need this writing outlet to share my joys, my frustrations, and my moments of confusion.

Things I never do anymore:

• Go to the bathroom without interruption. I do lock the bathroom door for #2, but I always pee in company now.
• Take long showers. I keep them short, and the door is always cracked so I can hear the girls.
• Go out to lunch.
• Stay up late and sleep in. I'm so tired once I get them down I don't stay up much longer. I usually get up early, as it's my only time to write, read, and sip my coffee in peace.
• Watch the TV shows I love. Thank God for DVR.
• Eat or drink anything I want. I usually always have to share, or explain what I'm eating/drinking and why they cannot have some.
• Have sex. Who has the time or energy? My poor husband. After years of having it all the time trying to have a kid, now it's time to lay off the lay.

My kid's are precious. They say and do things that make my heart flutter. I was tucking in our 3 year old the other night, and she said, "mommy, I want to kiss you" so she did and then she said, "I love you." She is so cute. My older one has more of a hard shell. She is loving, and also calls me mommy, but I see her catching herself sometimes. Like she's not quite sure, and sometimes she'll even say, "oh wait, you are not my mommy." We haven't spoken about it too much, but I can see their wheels are turning. It's sad that they don't understand that they're not going back to the home they had before ours. Eventhough we're elated that we're finally parents, we realize that they are grieving a major loss. All we can do is be there for them, and we often say at dinner or bedtime, "do you have any questions you'd like to ask?" They haven't yet, but we hope they know they can.

I'm also looking for some adoption books and movies that are age appropriate, as I want to incorporate the term adoption into their vocabulary now. More on that when I find it.