Still Waiting

We mailed the packet (no, I didn't get crazy and drive it down after all- shocking I know) on Tuesday of next week. My husband was at the post office when it opened, and mailed it overnight, with a delivery signature. The office got the paper work Wednesday at about noon. By Friday, I was getting giddy, so I texted my social worker, nothing yet. Grr. She said she would text me once she got the paper work, and assured me she would take it to the court house and get our date ASAP.

I didn't hear from her today, so I'm pretty sure my mom won't get to be here when we finalize. I know it's not a big deal, but it would have been awesome for her to share it with us. Hopefully we will still get a date by the end of this week. It's really tough not knowing for work too, because I commit to things like meetings and such, and at the drop of a hat I could have to change my schedule. Everyone will be super understanding, as they have all been through this entire process, but I still feel bad.

In other news, my initial problem child is now an angel, and now the younger one is turning into a real challenge. She is not as blatent with her misbehavior but she is sassy! Holy crap!

and....

I'm totally effed. Seriously.

Another Waiting Game

We have finished the adoption placement paperwork, and our social worker did her last visit. The next step is to sign the court documents (these have to come AFTER the placement paperwork) and send them in.

Our agency has been trying to meet my deadline of a finalization date on Sept. 13th or 14th. My mom is going to be in town (she lives 2000 miles away) on those dates so I would love for her to be there. But, my social worker, who is generally a smart woman, could not figure out how to print the court docs on her printer, because they have to be two sided. Seriously? I mean, you print one side, re-feed the paper, and then print the other. It's neither here-nor-there at this point. We (FINALLY) got the hard copy documents yesterday, yep, Saturday of a holiday weekend. We filled them out last night, and they are all ready to send back 1st thing Tuesday morning. Honestly, I wanted to barge the 2.5hr drive to hand deliver them into the mail slot today or tomorrow, but my husband gently told me that I was being a nut case and needed to have some patience.

So what's left:
1. Court doc's to our agencies main office.
2. Main office completes court packet and sends to our agency branch to our social worker.
3. Our social worker takes docs to court house and obtains court date.
4. Court date happens and the girls are ours forever! Yay!

With snail mail involved in two of these steps, I'll probably be at the end of September. I know the court date is merely a technicality, but I want it to happen. It's a very special day, and it's been a long time coming.

The crazy thing is, our timeline from placement with the girls to the court date will be minimal compared to most. Many other families have to be in the "foster care stage" for a couple years while parental rights are addressed, etc. We are quite fortunate.

We are thinking about having a post adoption party for family and friends. If we do, I think the girls should wear these...

Finalization

The time is (FINALLY) almost here. Today we signed our adoption placement paperwork. The is the time between when the girls are "foster kids" and the adoption being final. The paperwork for their new legal names is being processed, and everything is falling into place.

We are almost a forever family.

We have one more social worker visit (the post adoptive placement visit) on Wednesday. Then we wait for our court date. We should finalize in the middle to end of September. I cannot believe it. I know at this point their "ours" but I can't wait until its official.

"If we only knew that the future holds, after a hurricaine comes a rainbow."

Sigh.

Zippity Doo Dah

We spent the last three days having the time of our lives.

This is the good stuff.

The girls met Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, many princesses, Briar Fox, and more that I'm forgetting. There is nothing (and I mean nothing) more heart warming then watching your kids experience Disneyland for the first time.

When we walked through the gates at 8am and the characters and staff were lining the sidewalks of Main Street USA there were tears in my eyes as I saw the wonder in the girls.

Everything was exciting, everything was fun, it was magical!

On our second day there we did the character breakfast, and it was worth every penny. Watching "A" giggle with her tongue hanging out of her mouth as Minnie talked with her was embarrassing, but funny. She didn't know what to do. The kid was so excited she couldn't contain herself.

Joy is what I hope to bring my kids. Lessons, integrity, honesty, love, yes....but joy, joy is the jelly in the doughnut of parenting!

Okay that was cheesy, but I've had a Disney week so I'm in a cheesy mood!

Kidisms

Let me fill you in on some of the crazy things my kids say and do:

We were driving in the car after a morning of me going head to head with J, our three year old. She has a very sassy mouth, and I had enough that day. As the music played, the song "I'm sexy and I know it" came on. Instead of singing the lyrics correctly, my four year old, A started singing "she's sassy and she knows it da da da duh, da da da." Well said, little one.

I paint the girls nails once a week, usually on Saturday night. What a different Saturday night then I used to have, LOL. Now they're in to getting a nail tattoo on one nail. Last week, A chose to put a flower tattoo on her two middle fingers. I put them on. For the rest of the night she ran around the house double flipping me off showing off her tattoos. Oops.

I was making dinner the other night, and things got quiet in the dining area next to my kitchen. I saw that J was reaching for dads arnette sunglasses. I said to her, "you know you aren't supposed to touch daddys sunglasses." She responded, "how do you know I was touching them?" I told her the usual mom answer, "I have eyes in the back of my head." Without missing a beat, she got the last word by saying, "well that's not good."

Kids are so damn funny.

Reality

Yes, yes, I know I don't post often enough, I have probably lost most or all of my readers, but here I am, attempting to re-light my writing torch (thank you olympics for this sentence) and move forward with this blog.

There are a few things I'd like to say to catch everyone up with my life since its been awhile, I'll bullet point them for times sake.

• Being a mom is effing tough. It requires a great deal of patience, repetition, love, strength and creativity.
• And an open mind, a very open mind and flexibility.
• I'm CERTAIN there is a reason why when babies are born all they do is eat, cry, sleep and poop. If they talked back, tested limits, and made messes, post partem depression would be post partem psychosis.
• I love my kids. I cry watching them sleep. I'm falling in love again, and this time it's with a three and four year old.
• Husbands DO NOT multi task. If you leave them home all day and their job is to be Mr. Mom, they will care for the kids. That's it. No dishes, dusting, cleaning, cooking, or watering. Period.
• We have our last social worker visit next week (praise God) and we sign adoption papers at the end of the month. We will finalize our adoption no later than mid-October. 
• I still want to be pregnant.

Yes, I really just wrote that. It's funny, so many people think that now that I have two kids all my infertility woes, or feels of envy toward pregnancy have vanished. Maybe I'm a horrible person to admit it, maybe I'm selfish, but it's the truth. I still want to have a biological child. I cannot help but feel like I missed a large and important part of the girls lives. Maybe some of us just have a maternal instinct, a primal need to carry a child. Whatever it is, I still feel it. Though, it is numbed. I don't feel angry and jealous toward the preggo's. I feel more envious. I have reached a place where I can be happy for them, but still feel a little sad for me.

I'm honestly shocked that having two kids hasn't overwhelmed me to the point that I don't want anymore. I definitely do. Because as challenging as some moments are, the good moments, the moments where my kids scream and jump up and down when I come in the house, when they want to sit right next to me, when they give kisses and say adorable loving things, those make everything else worth it.

I guess time will tell...

Already July

OK, apparently mom's of two preschoolers who work full-time only post once a month. Sorry! Thanks for checking in, even though I'm a slacker.

In six weeks we will sign our petition to adopt paperwork, and then within 45 more days, we should have a court date to finalize. Thank you God. I never realized how taxing all the post placement visits would be. I am sure I've written about it before, but to recap: our social worker from our adoption agency has to come to the house twice a month. In addition, the girls social worker comes once a month. Usually one visit they do together, so that means a visit by a social worker every two weeks. This wasn't as tough to manage when I was on my leave of absence from work, but now that I'm working again, it's much more difficult. Both social workers drive from over an hour away, so they like to come to the house at 11am, and I work 30 minutes from here. So, I either have to work late into the evening, or go in extremely early to get my job done and put in my eight hours. Not that I'm complaining, at least I have a job that allows me to do this most of the time.

The most difficult thing about the visits is the insecure feeling that you are parenting figuring out how to parent your children and then there are these people over you watching very closely. It's not that we're doing anything wrong intentionally, it's that we are (at the end of the day) new parents. We yell, we under react, we over react, we say the wrong thing. They should call it "practicing parenting" and to make it even more fun, what works for one doesn't usually work for the other. Dammit!

All in all, life is amazing. The girls are happy and thriving. I don't know whether to be happy or sad or both about the fact that they don't mention their life before here. I think at this age memory fades. Occasionally our four year-old will come out with something totally random. But, for the most part they don't bring up their "before us" life. Not that I don't want them to. I realize that adoption has both a happy and sad side. Just as my husband and I struggled before we met the girls, the girls struggled before they met us. Before our joy of becoming a family, there was profound sadness. One day, we will have to share with them their story, and I pray every day for the wisdom to know how to do that.

We've learned that 90% of what we said we'd never do or say to our kids (because our parents did it to us) we have done. Another Dammit! I was venting to a fellow mommy the other day, and she said to me, "no offense, but the people who think that way don't have kids and they just don't know." Such a true statement, though not one I ever realized til now.

I've gone from desperately wanting to live in the land of parenthood to occasionally wanting to take a dingy to a far away island. Let's be honest, as much as it is a blessing, parenting is dang hard. My kids are both testing limits daily, and they've got sassy mouths to boot!

I  think the most amazing thing is that if you multiply the things we've taught the girls by 10, you'll get how many things they've taught us.

How crazy is that?